Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Hey everyone , basically long story short I've been dealing with severe anxiety and PTSD from my childhood sexual abuse.
It never bothered me or came out until my daughter turned five the same age I was when it started.
That was almost five years ago, and throughout the last few years I've been in and out of therapy. The last time I went I was feeling a lot better. I avoided triggers like the news and hearing people talk about any sexual predators or stories about sexual abuse regarding children. When I do hear about things like that I can't let them go, I look the stories up online. I work myself up into a horrible state.. I start to feel unsafe and scared as if I was five years old again. I can't think positive . I can't stop the intrusive visions and upsetting thoughts that come into my head. I even have a hard time being around my daughter , I feel ccompletely uncomfortable. I have a fear that because I was sexually abused I'm going to wake up one day and turn into a bad person because of it. I realize how silly that is when I'm in a good mind set, but when I'm triggered that's exactly what runs through my mind and it terrifies me.
My old counsellor said that doesn't happen, and it's a myth that if you're abused your going to abuse someone else. But I can't help but get upset by the idea of it.
I'm constantly on guard and untrusting of people. I don't let my daughter do much, I'm obsessed with trying to figure out why people could hurt children and I have an overwhelming feeling of sadness because I'm not able to protect all the children in the world and save them from sexual abuse. It bothers me so much to the point where I'm now thinking of this news story that happened 9 years ago to a little girl who was taken from school sexually abused and killed close to where I live. I have to talk myself down and tell myself that the people who did that to her will rot in jail and or get killed. And that there's more good people than bad out there, but I'm so traumatized by that story and it's all that's been on my mind for the last week. I'm making myself sick about it.
I'm just wondering if there's any of you who have had similar situations happen or who can relate to what I'm saying ? I think as a single mother whose been abused I feel very overwhelmed doing this on my own and trying to protect my daughther.
Sorry for the novel ! I just hope someone gets what I'm saying and where I'm coming from .. I need to hear that these feelings are normal :( thanks for reading xo.
. As far as trying to figure out why people hurts kids, I obsessed the why as well. And you know, Ive come to accept that it will be a question I will have to ask God when I get there. As well as believing theres a special place in hell for those who do. But that's just what works for me. Its absolutely a myth that survivors go on to abuse. Maybe you should work with further with your therapist on this. It seems to really bother you.
Absolutely all we can do as parents is educate ourselves and our kids. Stopitnow.org is a really good resource and so is Raiin. But if you feel that it will trigger you and upset you to read all that information. Id ask for help from my therapist on the issue.
There's so much anxiety with just having children. And even more when your survivor yourself and a single parent. Be kind to yourself. Hugs.
This seems like something you are passionate about now: Protecting children from childhood sexual abuse. I don't like to give unsolicited advice, but maybe we can help you find something that would help you overcome your fears, or at least relieve them somewhat. Are there any local groups or local organizations dedicated to CSA prevention efforts in your area that you could reach out to? They might be able to provide you with information, or even volunteer opportunities. Maybe this would help you feel more informed and in control of your situation and your daughter's safety, give you an outlet and give you a chance to build a support system of people who are also passionate about protecting children.
The trauma that comes from sexual abuse is so isolating and devastating, and I know it's hard sometimes to remember that you're not alone. But you're not! And I can almost guarantee that there are people out there that are just as invested in keeping children safe from sexual abuse as you are.
I've looked into volunteering with the child rescue collation. It's out of the states tho, I'm here in Canada. They said they'd contact me when something came up in this area.
I believe it'll help a lot. As for support groups , there isn't much available for me where I live. I'm going to need to find something tho. Being around women\men in similar situations will help me. There's not a lot of people I know who've been through this. And the ones that have don't like to talk about it with me , they've completely suppressed all of those feelings. I know one day they'll be in the same situation as me. Thanks again for comments !