Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Hi, I'm really new to this so I do apologize. Recently after I found out that my ex had finally been arrested a lot of the abuse I suffered has resurfaced. I can't move on and I'm not too sure what to do to help myself move on. I feel so ashamed and alone. This is my background. When I was 19 I was raped and lost my virginity. I stayed with the guy because I was raised that once you lost your virginity you had to stay with that person. The guy was a 47 year old who catfished me. I ended up moving away to be with him and I ended up getting pregnant. I had to have emergency surgery due to me having my fallopian tube burst due to an etopic pregnancy. This guy not only beat me but also caused me my fertility. I was finally able to leave the relationship in April. When he threatened to kill me that was when I woke up and realized I want to live and that I had to get out. Once I left I reported him for what he did to me and other illegal activities he was involved in. He has finally been arrested. I cannot move on, I'm obsessed with checking the status of his case. The police already told me that they would have to legally inform him of who reported him. I'm so scared of him being let out due to posting bail, I know he'd try something. I just don't know how to move on and stop worrying about it, and just stop having flash backs and anxiety attacks. What are some good coping mechanisms that have helped you?
I started meditating 3 minutes at a time- morning and evening. Now, I'm up to 15m quieting my mind. Longer on the weekends. I can see some progress in myself for the better. I am a lot calmer and patient. I'm starting to control my anger. I'm starting to express my hanger in a non-threatening manner.
I have a lot more meditating work to do though. I still have some areas in my life I want to change. I never forget prayer or I always thank a Higher Power.
You are certainly a crime victim and need all the resources you can find .. so that you know how to protect yourself. I am not a lawyer and don't know any details of your case. I am only making some suggestions:
1. He is in jail but may bond out. It won't stop him from trying something, but if there is an order of protection in effect, he will be subjected to more penalty if he contacts you. See what it takes to get such an order and do it just as added protection. You can ask the Police Detective assigned to your case how to go about doing that. Don't take too long as he could bond out at any time..
2. Find out what the handgun laws are in your State (assuming you live in the US). If allowed, take a handgun CLASS and obtain a small caliber semiautomatic handgun. I suggest a .25 caliber or .22LR caliber. It can be small and easy to carry and fire. You can get one for under $200. This, of course, is limited by your State's gun laws. Think about it seriously because it can take TIME to do the class and then purchase the gun.
3. If you cannot obtain a handgun, fall back to pepper spray or taser, though even these are regulated by some State laws.
This may seem drastic to you, but if he violently presents to you, you need effective defense QUICKLY. Even with 911, it takes time for Police to arrive.
I am sorry you are in this situation. It will improve over time, but you must be able to protect yourself. I hope you will consider my advice.