Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
(23m)
Recently I've been noticing that more and more of the issues I face in my daily life are a direct result of being sexually abused. I will probably never have a relationship because not only can I not get close to people or trust them, but mostly because nobody would want me if they knew my past. In my youth I made some bad sexual choices as a result of the confusion from the abuse. The worst of those choices: having an affair with my cousin.
I am damaged goods. Why would anyone want me if they knew about all this? I honestly wish that we were reincarnated after death so I could just live out my days and try again. Molestation/rape is the generational curse in my family. My grandmother was raped by her sister, my mother's POS sperm donor molested 3 of the 5 daughters in the family, and of us grandchildren, at least 9 of us (that I know of) myself included were sexually abused.
I cannot look at a couple on the street without feeling jealousy that these people are able to have healthy relationships and sex lives and I can't. I seriously wish people knew about these effects of sexual abuse/violence/rape. Maybe then it wouldn't be so rampant.
I believe I am reincarnated every morning I awake. I try to be a better me than I was yesterday. I'm hard on myself b/c I have been dealing with this trauma: sadness, doubt, anxiety, panic attacks, and fear since I was a child when the abuse began. I experience triggers everyday. Some days are worse than others.
I read about child abuse, pray, been to therapy, yoga/meditation, come here to this site, and have a support group. I'm learning to live with my disability. I'm envious/jealous when I see couples or groups of people together b/c I spend more time alone. B/c of the abuse I don't trust many people and I'm scared of some people.
I thinks it's okay to be on your own if that's what you want I try not to be a hermit in a cave. It's very easy for me to be a hermit when you don't want to be touch or hear the noise of a busy day.. I don't think it's healthy. We should get out, take a walk, get some air, and try to speak to someone when you don't want to. I try to look at myself in the mirror and say something good about me.
If I really want to be more social, then I will have to learn to be more social. There are books to read about being more social. We can youtube therapists talking about abuse, if you can't afford a therapist. I think journaling/writing is good for the trauma we live with. Anything is possible and change can happen if I want it to happen.
What happened to you is not fair because you didn't have a say.
I have a hectic sexual history. Even slept with a teacher. Sies of me, right? But I have forgiven myself.
You will find a partner who gets it. But it starts with acknowledging where you are currently and acknowledging what happened to you. Are you going to forgive yourself? forgiveness brings a sense of newness.
When I told my partner about my past, he advised that I learn to forgive myself. No one is perfect but we've been led to believe that we should be.