Yes, I do know what you are talking about. I spent 18 years in an emotionally, physically, sexually, abusive relationship. My first husband beat me up on several occasions and even violently raped me on another. My second husband was the 18 year relationship. During that time when I was younger, I was a stripper. I didn't realize how significant that was or any of the other sexual issues that happened to me when I was younger. My second husband was a monster when it came to anything that had to do with sex and I had to serve his needs any time he wanted me to. Charming as he could be, if I said no, he would coerce me into it anyway. I got to the point that I would just become and object and lay there. He would always talk about how great our sex life was and it was the one thing in our life that was good. I eventually believed that. Then, he decided he didn't want me anymore. This is a small summary of what happened to me, but sex became something so terrible and bad in my life that I felt dirty and disgusting. Then I found my best friend.

I have loved my best friend for more years than I can count. We met up almost 2 years ago, when my mother died. We have been inseparable ever since and we married in May this year. The first time we made love, I was very analytical. It was like an experiment in whether I could do this for the rest of my life or not. Suffice it to say, he is amazing and I have had the best fulfilling sex I ever had with anyone, physically speaking, that is. The emotional connection is a different story. When we make love, I feel great when we are kissing and touching, but when we get to the other stuff, I become so selfconscience. My mind start thinking about what happens if I don't have a successful.... How will he react? I am fearful, but I too, like you, feel like he deserves more and that I may not be giving him enough. That it isn't fair I am damaged goods, not to mention used goods.

I just want you to know, you are not alone. I am hoping time will help me to overcome this issue. I love him and I know he loves me. I, too, posted something yesterday about the sexual experience in the sexual abuse group. Maybe yesterday was the day to think about it. Who knows?

Thank you so much Countess125. It does help to know that I am not alone. Maybe one day we can overcome this problem. If you need to talk just let me know.

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. This is something I suffer with a lot. I feel no physical connection to my husband, especially during sex. And I hate it, and it makes me feel that I am doing a disservice to him. I hate that I "fake" that connection, and that I feel nothing emotionally for him during sex, that I completely zone out. It is difficult, and my only suggestion is to take things slowly to try and work past that natural "disconnect" stage in your mind.

I feel the same way as calibur. I try to have my husband talk to me, nothing crazy but just something to connect me back to him and the moment. Not sure if that makes sense. But sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt.