Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
As a transgender person i knew from an early age i wanted to be the opposite sex that i was born in the wrong body. This became blindingly clear one summer when i was 8 years old.
I dont remember much about how ot started but my uncles frienda felt i looked like thia girl they were crushing on (they were in they're teens). I had been called gay by my uncle several times by this time ao when they aked me to act like a girl i jumped at the chance. Before i knew it i was on my knees in a closet with two of my uncles friends who i learned later paid him for time with me alone in the closet with basketball cards.
The thing tht affects me to thia day is that it never felt like rape. They were treating me how i wanted to be treated (like a girl). I felt like i was doing what girla and guya do. They told me they loved me and caressed me and i loved it. Now though as an adult i see it qas wrong...ao very very wrong. I think about it everyday and don't know what to think of my self for liking it so much.
I dont remember much about how ot started but my uncles frienda felt i looked like thia girl they were crushing on (they were in they're teens). I had been called gay by my uncle several times by this time ao when they aked me to act like a girl i jumped at the chance. Before i knew it i was on my knees in a closet with two of my uncles friends who i learned later paid him for time with me alone in the closet with basketball cards.
The thing tht affects me to thia day is that it never felt like rape. They were treating me how i wanted to be treated (like a girl). I felt like i was doing what girla and guya do. They told me they loved me and caressed me and i loved it. Now though as an adult i see it qas wrong...ao very very wrong. I think about it everyday and don't know what to think of my self for liking it so much.
-
I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
-
Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
By the way, if you are using your real name you might want to change that for privacy. Right now anyone doing a search on your name can come upon your DS profile and whatever you write here.
I'm glad you have a therapist. And I'm glad you're posting here - it helps so much to know we are not alone in all these things.
If you ever plan to use that name, you might want to change your DS profile name. The internet never forgets ...
For a very long time I blamed myself for getting trapped into that situation, it turned violent and scary in the end and I felt like I deserved it since I willingly went there in the beginning..
Someone said something to me when I first joined the site that made me realize how wrong I was to blame myself...
They turned the situation around, they asked me what I would do in a situation like the following: "if a 10 year old boy came knocking on my door, then when you opened the door he asked me to have sex with him" What would I do? I dont need to think about that one for long... of course I wouldnt even think of doing what he is asking me, its unnatural and just wrong in every way.. I would bring him home, call CPS, make sure he got help - clearly something went wrong with this child...
Well, I was that 10 year old boy, I wasn't asking the guy to do anything sexual to me, but even if I was, even if I was directly asking him to have sex with me, how could I not find the adult at fault. An adult shouldn't even be attracted to a child to start with, never mind do something to the child that he is not mature enough to consent to, and its illegal on top of that... Everything about it makes the answer No.
After hearing it put that way, after turning the situation around and asking what I would do if I was the adult being solicited by a child, I couldnt imagine ever thinking of doing what he asked, I would do everything to prevent that child from ever asking that of anyone ever again...
I feel little to no shame or a sense of blame after my friend told this to me, instantly it changed how I felt about my actions as a child.
If those people loved you, they would have done exactly the opposite of what they did, and if you reverse the situation it becomes very clear how wrong they were and how innocent the child is regardless of what they allow, or say or ask of you...
...it's not your fault. Really. It doesn't make YOU wrong. You were just a kid. They knew better, you didn't.
You're ok.
I heard a parenting lecture once where the speaker said "Know how children spell love? "ATTENTION!"
So feeling conflicted about some things can be pretty common. On the one hand, they took advantage of your feelings, and that was wrong and feels wrong to you. On the OTHER hand, you needed the attention and I assume it reinforced your identity as a young girl more than anything ELSE did that whole year.
It might help to discuss in therapy times you felt you needed to please others to get attention and recognition. I didnt start to deal with my past until I realized that I was STILL doing far too much for others for far too little attention and affirmation.
I hope this helps some