Pretty complicated question to answer without know who it was, how old you are and why you would want to see them again. Do they change? I don't know, but I know that my abuser would not get a second chance.

I think it's pretty rare for abusers to change. If your abuser was to change, you would know it by the fact that he's be crawling on his knees, begging for your forgiveness. Anyone who had enough mental health or self-awareness or plain common humanity to realize the hideousness of the crimes he committed against you would bow in shame and remorse before you. If that doesn't happen, it's a very good bet that he has not changed.

I also think that, given the fact that he's your father and the only person who showed you any charade of love and kindness, it's inevitable that you're going to want to see him again. It is natural and understandable that you would want to see him again, and probably also a good thing that you see him, AT SOME POINT. Why? Because right now you remember him through your child's eyes, distorted by the terrible treatment you got from everyone else. So you still see him through some fairy tale lens that doesn't show him as he really is. You will want to test that vision against your more matured perceptions and try to figure out the truth about him.

But I wrote AT SOME POINT, and that's because I don't know when or how it would be safe for you to see him again. I do know for sure that you must do it at a time and in a way that you can be kept safe. The last thing you want is to be re-abused at this point.

So I would think very long and hard about if, when and how to see him. Your first priority should be keeping yourself safe. And even aside from the possibility of being re-abused, I don't know how it would affect you emotionally to lose that fairy tale father you have in your head. It would be a huge loss and could be very painful.

I just have to add that I'm really sorry you have to go through any of this. I wish you really did have the loving, safe father that every child deserves.

It's a tough call . I saw my dad when I was 18 and still had this creeped out feeling about him. When you're healed and ready I would say. I don't think they can change. but that's just me.

In your case, I don't think you need to try to have a relationship until you are older.

You need to be able to set boundaries with him very firmly in order to interact with him.

I don't think you are ready to do that. I think you're still too new into the healing process to do that.

I think you still want him to be your dad, and he can't be that. He cannot be your parent. He's not safe.

That's my opinion.

I really think you need to talk to a therapist about this and about what the rest of your family has done. Not for any other reason than you need to.

Stop worrying about protecting them.

they did NOT worry about protecting you at all.

The most important person YOU need to be thinking about... is YOU!
You are the only one that matters, not him, not the brothers, not the mom... Not anyone else. Only YOU!!
They never cared about you, so now it's your turn... It's your turn to be loved, and cared for... Just not by them, they can't love, they don't know how. Non of them understand that.
The only way a person can be a parent, is to really do anything FOR their child. Not anything TO their child.. Huge difference.

For you, I suggest... Therapy, find someone who can work with you and your 'issues'( sorry couldn't think of better word, )

It took me years to trust my therapist even to tell him I was raped as z kid... That I was molested... I have this site, and these folks on here to thank for that. They encouraged me to talk to him. There are some things that a person face2face is so much better for... then there are some things we can help out with.
We only know what you have told us, who you are, your nic,... But a real person can help in ways that we can not...

All your questions you asked above are in regards to you giving in and going back... You need to stand tall, and say " no, I am more important! I am me! I love me! I am more important than ANYONE else!!! "
You are too, I wouldn't say any of this if it wasn't true!!!

But I'm not important. I don't have a job, I probably won't be able to do a very good or useful job, nobody would care if I died, the people who care about me are PAID to. I take up a lot of government money going to my school. I'm really not worth it.

The government pays for people to care for you because the government recognizes that every child is precious. You are precious, and you deserve every penny spent on you. Unlike the people you are protecting, you have never hurt anyone. By that measure, you are worth much more than they are - because they are destructive, and you are not.

As for your future, based on the way you express yourself in writing, I would guess that you are very capable and will be able to make a solid contribution to society one day. But even that doesn't define your worth. Your worth derives from being a human being. It is intrinsic.

Let me ask you this, if someone came up to you, and said
" I'm taking care of all your schooling, you want to go to college? Great! What do you want to study? What do you want to do or be?"
How would you answer?

I'm not saying anything about your past, I'm talking your future! What do you want to do or be?

This is a very hard question... I know, I've had it asked to me...
And I wasn't able to answer the question at that time, but I really started to think about it. The things I want to do or be, might not be within my grasp, but there are other things that are close to it that I CAN do!
You are the same way.
If your goal is to fly a fighter jet, and you have really thick glasses and are afraid of heights, well, then the goal changed just a smidge...

But the out come doesn't!
It's all about YOU!
What do YOU want to do? Or be? Or whatever!!

Yes, YOU ARE ABLE TO DO THESE THINGS
You are not costing the gov. Lots of money, they have it to burn, why not use it towards people who are worthwhile... Like yourself!!

You ARE so much stronger than even you think. I know this is true, I see what you type everyday! That takes strength!!

Like Donna said, you are worth it... You are very much worth every cent they spend on you!!

Hugs!!

Jadie-You do matter and are important. I bet if you search within you will see alot of great attributes that you offer society. I know it's probably more difficult to see in yourself but they are there. You matter and deserve real genuine caring loving care.