Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
For future reference, I'm physically a girl. In case any of this confuses you...
I'm alright with what happened to me, and I'm not very bothered by it, anymore, thanks to a lot of different types of therapy. Whereas, in the past, I'd have panic attacks over the mere thought of it, but now, I'll just sort of shrug it off.
So, I've been finding interesting ways to masturbate since I was about eight or nine-years-old. I've never done anything internal, though, only external. Recently, I thought I'd try to change that, but I just couldn't do it. I didn't even make it all the way in, and I ended up curling into fetal position, my heart pounding and my body numb with fear.
About a year ago, I had the same kind of experience when I tried to use tampons for the first time. After a good twenty minutes of prepping myself, I got it in and then collapsed onto the bathroom floor for another twenty minutes, trying not to puke. I thought that'd go away if I kept on doing it, but it never did, so I eventually gave up and went back to using pads.
So, I guess a part of me isn't over the bridge quite yet? I'm starting to wonder if I'll be this way forever. Not that it's very important to me, being a trans, and all... But I mean, it gets aggravating, you know? I'd like to live normally and be okay with myself and what happened, and I thought I was. But I suppose not.
I'm alright with what happened to me, and I'm not very bothered by it, anymore, thanks to a lot of different types of therapy. Whereas, in the past, I'd have panic attacks over the mere thought of it, but now, I'll just sort of shrug it off.
So, I've been finding interesting ways to masturbate since I was about eight or nine-years-old. I've never done anything internal, though, only external. Recently, I thought I'd try to change that, but I just couldn't do it. I didn't even make it all the way in, and I ended up curling into fetal position, my heart pounding and my body numb with fear.
About a year ago, I had the same kind of experience when I tried to use tampons for the first time. After a good twenty minutes of prepping myself, I got it in and then collapsed onto the bathroom floor for another twenty minutes, trying not to puke. I thought that'd go away if I kept on doing it, but it never did, so I eventually gave up and went back to using pads.
So, I guess a part of me isn't over the bridge quite yet? I'm starting to wonder if I'll be this way forever. Not that it's very important to me, being a trans, and all... But I mean, it gets aggravating, you know? I'd like to live normally and be okay with myself and what happened, and I thought I was. But I suppose not.
What you describe is more common than you realise and you can find healing. Have you any access to counselling, particularly psycho-sexual counselling. It could make a massive difference to you, especially dealing with the transgender issues too.
If you can't access therapy, there are self-help things you can try, counselling would probably be better for you.
I think one of the traps we fall into is believeing the abuse is over when it stops. I have found we tend to not realize there was very real damage done to us and therefore it does not get addressed after the abuse stops. Not understanding there was real damage done to me kept me in denial for many years. perhaps this is what is going on with you?
rich