Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Hello I’m Abby. I’ve had such a complicated year/two years I have a bad understanding of time and when things happen. It took me so long to be able to admit I was raped and it took me 6 months to fully realize because I simply just blocked out the memory of it until one day something triggered me and all these memories came flooding. And I deal with things by just putting my problems away and not allow myself to feel. In between that first rape and now I had two short relationships where I was just sexually assulted and used and discredited. My recent ex would try and get me drunk and the one before that would tell me if I didn’t let him do things to me our relationship wasn’t valid and that relationships need sex to work and I was putting in my part if I didn’t let him do things to me. He would tell me that’s how I would get better and he manipulated me every day. To this day I have constant flashbacks and constant anxiety and it keeps getting worse and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared that I feel so horrible everyday. My current boyfriend is so sweet and wonderful but he doesn’t understand. I’m scared to show I care about him. When I opened up in the past he asked me why I wasn’t over it already and gave me whole speeches on what I’m doing wrong I’m progressing. And it’s pushwd me away. Because I just want to love him and be able to talk to him about this. But I’m just stuck and alone. And I’m scared if I stay so guarded he’ll go. But I can’t open to anyone. I had a person who helped me so much but he’s gone now he doesn’t want me in his life anymore because he cared more about his job. So now I’m just lost and I know I can only do so much on my own but I’m so alone with these flashbacks and lonely nights of fear and worry and nightmares. And I’m just so alone.
One thing that helped me so very much was to understand my worth in HIM... God! I too struggled with sexual abuse at the hands of my father and know exactly how you feel in not knowing who to trust or thinking people are always out to use you. I get it!
But there is HOPE and there is HEALING and it's found when you come to end of yourself in thinking that you can solve all of your problems yourself. I plead you to seek out Jesus, He loves you so very much, in fact, so much that He became a substitution for us to be reconciled to God the Father by becoming a sacrifice for our sins whereby there was no other way to have forgiveness. Once I realized that through submission and admission of my own vulnerabilities and inability to help myself, that's when I found freedom and healing and love, true love which is what I was looking for. Not conditional, not fake, but true love. I pray you will keep seeking and that you find what you are looking for my friend, because Jesus is right there waiting for you, He's waiting to help and heal you from within if you'll invite Him in to do so.