What don't you try one sentence about yourself on this site... One word at a time... one step at a time. We are not here to judge you but to accompany you in your struggles.

I meant "why don't..." and not "what"...

Well done for posting that. No one here is going to make you talk if you don't want to. Just take one step at a time, keeping yourself safe.

zeinna,

You're right, keeping it inside is a killer. A safer place to start may be writing what you're feeling/thinking in a journal if you haven't done that already. Making collages also helps to express feelings. You paint, so you may want to put your feelings on canvas.

For me, one thing that helped was joining a 12-step group for incest survivors. It was a very long time before I told my story. I sat and listened to others after saying, "I can't talk about it, yet." They understood.

There were a lot of things I "didn't want" to do on my healing journey, zeinna, but often times they were the very things I needed to do. My main criteria was to determine whether it was safe or not, and not so much what I felt like doing.

Educate yourself on the impact of sexual abuse; there are many books out there now. Listen to your pain--for it is talking to you and trying to help you heal--take safe action to heal yourself and know that healing is possible; yes, it requires commitment and is hard work, but it's possible.

Peace to you.

xx
SuzA

Please think of this as a physical wound. If there is a physical wound bleeding, you need medical attention. This is a huge emotional wound that needs medical help. This is a good place to talk about it. There is the anonymous factor and supportive people. When you are ready.

Well said SuzA. It is so great to hear there are others in 12 step for sexual abuse. Keep coming back.