Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Warning...I am having a tizzy attack.
I have been going through this god awful transference thing. I love my therapist. I hate him. I think he hates me. I am attracted to him. I think he has cooties.
It is horrible. Did I already say that? I had a session earlier and when I left I looked up at the sky and said to myself, "I can't come back". I know when that happens it means something is getting stirred up. It has just felt like there is a wall between him and I. I feel like I am not connecting ...or that something is wrong.
I decided I needed to tell him about how I was feeling and that maybe the "block" would go away. I just called and left a voice mail telling how I was feeling. It took 2 calls. The first time I hung up.
Now I feel like an idiot.
I have been going through this god awful transference thing. I love my therapist. I hate him. I think he hates me. I am attracted to him. I think he has cooties.
It is horrible. Did I already say that? I had a session earlier and when I left I looked up at the sky and said to myself, "I can't come back". I know when that happens it means something is getting stirred up. It has just felt like there is a wall between him and I. I feel like I am not connecting ...or that something is wrong.
I decided I needed to tell him about how I was feeling and that maybe the "block" would go away. I just called and left a voice mail telling how I was feeling. It took 2 calls. The first time I hung up.
Now I feel like an idiot.
I'm guessing that this therapist has been practicing for a while and has probably seen this happen with other patients too. It is not unusual for the patient to have feelings for their therapist especially if the therapist is the first and ONLY person who has ever shown compassion for you/us. My therapist is female and only 10 years older than me but there was a time when I loved her as much as I loved my mother - maybe even more at the time. I saw her as a mother figure. It was because she showed that she cared about me. She cared that I healed and cared that I was safe. She understood without judgment and she always spoke the truth. And for all that, I loved her. Had she been a man I could have easily misconstrued this feeling as romantic love when it isn't really. My guess is your therapist is more like a father figure to your inner children and you feel it very strongly. The feeling does pass the more you heal. Please don't beat yourself up about it. You have been beat up enough throughout life, no need to do it again now.
Take care
I agree that boundaries are good but you also need to trust your therapist without boundaries in order to heal. Tonight, when you told him your secret, you stepped outside the boundary and you are testing his reaction. We do lots of testing with people because we are always checking to make sure we are safe. How he reacts to what you told him will determine if he passed the test or not.
You are doing good Cecil and by telling him how you feel, you just took another step forward in your healing process.
I suspect I'd feel like an idiot, too. I say that based on having done something similar.
I felt like a fool but in the end it turned out to be a very good thing. It opened some psychological door. I think by saying what was going on for me--that is, having my feelings all over the map--helped me feel safer just because I was able to express them.
No, I think honesty in therapy--no matter what the terrain looks like--can only help, as long as you're working with an ethical, well-trained therapist.
It's okay to feel like an idiot. : -)
xx
SuzA
He called me back today. I was still at work and I hate talking on the phone but the conversation went well...as well as it could since my desk is in a cube farm. He said he was glad I was able to tell him even in a voice mail. I usually email things but have trouble talking about what I have emailed.
What a great step - You have talked to him honestly about things that were very important to you - and letting this out and being able to go ahead and talk to him later was huge for you!
Next thing you know your 7 year old will be able to sidle up to him and talk - and I think you will, for the very first time, feel the true profit of a good counselor/client relationship. What you talked about - the transference - is SO difficult for any client to express, even if it was in a voice mail.
I am so happy for you-
Refuse2quit
I'll never be like this with another therapist - it all played out with this one man. But, in the end, it was a good thing.