I have been separated from my husband for a few months and we are currently in the divorce process. I am a Christian woman and my relationship with God is very important to me. I was working out of town a few weeks ago and there was a guy who would stop and talk to me and was going through the same situation. He said he was also a Christian and he felt like it was God's will that we met. I wasn't sure about that but we had a lot in common and he seemed like a good guy. He asked me to meet with him after work to visit and get to know each other. It seemed harmless enough and I thought maybe this was meant to be. I told him I wasn't willing to engage in anything dishonorable and he agreed. We ended up going for a ride and he took me to a remote location. I was very nervous as I was out of my comfort zone. When we got out he started kissing me. I kept pulling back from him but he was persistent. He said he wanted to see if we had any chemistry. I was scared and I didn't want to kiss him but I didn't know where I was and there was no phone service. We got back in the pickup and he got on the passenger side where I was and kissed me more. I hated it and didn't want to be doing it. I asked him to take me back to my motel. He said I will take you back after you come visit at my house. I explained I needed to get a shower and sleep before work the next day. He said I have a shower and you can take one at my house. I was not comfortable with this and I was afraid. He insisted I go to his house and i said if I do will you take me back to my motel and he said yes. I was able to shower alone but the water wouldn't shut off so he came in to fix it. At that point I had no voice. He got behind me with the lights off and pushed down the hall to his bedroom. I could feel the bed behind and he grabbed my towel and took it off. As he pushed me back on the bed I told him that I couldn't have sex with him. That it was wrong and I couldn't do it. I td him twice and he said yes you can. I resisted but it didn't matter. He wasn't listening to me and he did it anyway. At one point as I tried to pull away he asked if he was hurting me and I said yes. It didn't matter he kept going. I was scared and I didn't know what to do. Since that happened I have been so depressed and I have turned to alcohol to numb this experience. I never should have gone on a ride with him and I have been blaming myself. But what happened to no means no? This was not consensual. How could I have let this happen. I am so disgusted and I feel humiliated and ashamed that this happened to me. Is this not force? Rape?????