HI, I can relate to not wanting sex. This is the result of childhood sex abuse, as well as sick adult choices that had me in very degrading and inhuman situations.
I've enjoyed not having sex, and staying safe. but every now and then, I really long for intimacy.
I haven't had sex now for 17 months (who's counting? lol), and it's been great. but I'm about to break the drought with a man I've been with before, who I feel much peace with.
It just feels like time to try.

Well I am personally a believer of saving sex for marriage. I do not consider abuse apart of that . I believe healing letting yourself be who you are. I do not believe a relationship with the opposite sex should include sex. I repressed and was forced to forget my many years of abuse, torture and mental and physical. I wanted to do what was right. I met my husband, we courted did not hold hands and did not touch and we were chaperoned. I was an adult. You know it may seem extreme but it was the sweetest most special relationship I have ever had. I married him and I kissed him on our wedding day. I have been married for 13 years and he has been my best support during this time. I have never really had a proper relationship before that. Nothing near that. I knew I had abuse in my past but not to what I know now. I am thankful for that . I say it does not matter what other people think or if it is the norm. I do not regret it one bit. The day I excepted the Lord as my Saviour and my wedding day and the birth of my children are my best days.

I have a strong desire to have sex but I have vaginismus - which is defined as "Vaginismus is vaginal tightness causing discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems, or complete inability to have intercourse." I fall into the last category of complete inability to have intercourse. I am married and I have the most understanding husband in the world. Until a year and a half ago I had no idea why I had this disorder; but once I remembered the abuse it made perfect sense. I am almost at the point in my healing where I can concentrate on the vaginismus, and I look forward to consummating my marriage.

Any others on this board who have vaginismus?

Your attitude and words sound like those of someone healing. Your goal is spot on. I know well the pitfalls of isolating but it stems from fear and living life based on fear is never the answer. You're safer in some ways yes but lonely. Safe but lonely brings no satisfaction. We're on this earth IMHO to have relationships and to learn how to love...healthy love. It sounds like you took the time to self reflect and learn about yourself. I suspect as long as you've rid yourself of any residual and always unwarranted shame that will always undermine us....you'll make the right choices, trust your inner voice when it comes to new people you'll encounter you'll do just fine and the hypo sexuality may well resolve itself
Letting people in ....takes courage and relationships always involve some element of risk, there's no way to avoid it esp once feelings are involved....which means making good choices to begin with essential, going slow and listening to the inner voice. Abuse and being a survivor always makes it more difficult but with healing makes it possibly to learn to trust again and enjoy sex as all adults should...it comes with the learning to trust again, becoming open and vulnerable again while feeling safe....as long as the healing is such that our past no longer is dictating our choices. The world is full of kind hearted, generous and good people. Find some and enrich your life. I feel confident you will. Good luck

Sadave, thank you so much. Your words are what I needed to hear and brought tears to my eyes. Your comments are much appreciated.

I agree - very wise words sadave!
Very encouraging and positive - spoke with hope!!
Refuse2quit