Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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Pepper515 09/29/2012

Okay here is me asking advice to my cyber friends I guess.
Everything is vivid but It mixes together. I don't know maybe that is normal.

How is it not my fault

Flashbacks are really bad right now. Everything is my fault. I am the reason the rapes I have suffered through. My family thinks I'm a liar. Mom said I couldn't have been raped at 6 years old because she was running a daycare and several kids plus her were in the house while i was raped. 6 years old and he took advantage of me. He made me have sex with him. He came into my room and the only reason i was in there that first time because I didn't want to watch the Grimlins which I'm 23 and still scared of that show. He came into my room he slammed the door shut and it wasn't possible for me to get it open. He pushed me down I started to yell for mom and he looked at me and told me to shut up. He took out a knife. I was still on the ground and he layed down next to me. He started to unzip my pants, all I thought about was grab the knife and get away. I pushed him away and he punched me. Since struggled he took the knife and stabbed me in the leg. When he did this he covered my mouth so my scream could not be heard. He told me to turn around, I did and he stripped me while standing behind me. he turned me around again and told me to take his pants off and his underwear. Afterwards he pinned me to the ground and forced my legs apart and forced himself inside me. I tried to push away and got hit again. He kept going really hard and I couldn't stop him I couldn't cry for help. When ever I fought I got hit. When I started to cry I got cut. Afterwards there was a lot of blood. and mom came to the door (which was still closed) and asked what was going on. He told her that everything was fine that we were playing a game, so she left us alone, she didn't see that anything was wrong. Why didn't she stop it? Why is it that if it was my sister she would have cared. I hate it I should punish myself. I didn't stand up for myself and I let it happen. If I had told it would have stopped. It is MY fault.

deleted_user 09/29/2012

It is not your fault. You were 6 years old. I want you to look at a 6 year old little girl and a person the age of your abuser. Side by side you look at them. You will see you had no choice. It can not be your fault if you had NO choice.

I am so sorry this had to happen to you. They make is sound like our fault.

I hope you are in counseling. Hugs Pepper!

deleted_user 09/29/2012

It is not your fault at all. You were only 6 years old. The ones who say its your fault is wrong. You were just a kid. Its never a kids fault for being raped at all. He was stronger than you. You know the real truth even when your family thinks you are lying. I am here if you need to talk.

deleted_user 09/29/2012

It was NOT your fault...you were 6 years old!!! I have found it to be true that most mothers who dont believe their children comes from the fact that they dont want to admit they didnt protect you. If you got hurt on their watch it would make them feel like a bad parent. So most of them just refuse to admitt it. Its to much for them to handle in most cases so just saying their child is lying is easier for them. NO CHILD deserves to be abused and I am SOO SOO sorry you had to go thro this. Children are innocent and cant protect them selves and we reley on our guardians. Some times they fail us. Stay strong and take back control of your own life. YOU deserve to be happy just like everyone else. YOU are stronger then you think you are. You are strong even when you cant feel it. YOU are beatuiful even when you cant see it. Prayers

jeanette474 10/01/2012

I am so sorry this is happened to you.. If you could for one moment think if you had child. She/he is 6 years old. The child has just been abused by the neighbor. You child is scared but brave enough to tell you. Would you tell that child they are lying. In this scenario I truly believe that you would believe your child. You would probably want to hurt the molester that did this to you child. I know I would. That is normal to feel angry. Then think of you as that 6 year old child. You were just as innocent at 6 years old. A 6 yr old has no way of protecting themselves from a violent predator as this man was and probably still is. If the family does not believe you I and many more her on DS DO believe you. You probably have a lot of anger not only towards the perp but your mother too. I too had that kind of anger when I first went into therapy. I have worked out a lot of that anger in a safe place with my therapist. This, i think is so common with survivors that they blame themselves until they get pissed enough at the people that hurt them, they no longer blame themselves. It is a process. My hope is that you get counseling with a therapist that deals with rape and sexual abuse. My heart is with you.

deleted_user 10/03/2012

Okay, NOT YOUR FAULT! It was your abuser's fault and your mother's fault if she doesnt believe you. NEVER EVER YOUR FAULT!!!!

deleted_user 10/08/2012

Ok you have gotten some great words of wisdom here. I don't have much to add but DID wanna stop by and agree with a couple things that have already been said first of all I am soooo sorry this happened to you from the bottom of my heart I am sorry, no child should ever have to go thru something like this. If you're not in therapy I agree with the ones who have suggested it....you really do need to sit down and talk with someone about this sweetie. And of most importance I have to tell you that I too stand by you and believe YOU and it is NOT your fault. Not even a little bit. I know how it is to take the blame on yourself and I couldn't read thru this without telling you that I too agree with everyone else that it's NOT your fault, it never has been and it never will be. You are in my thoughts and prayers dear one.

deleted_user 10/09/2012

I am really sorry this happened. This happened at a time when you were too young to process this logically. I am going through the same thing right now. I was an abused child that had no voice of reason beyond my 6 year old mind. The warped answers I came up with are still with me as an adult. I was angry at god and not perps. Being overweight to keep men t bay. They are self perservation answers that I came up with. I believe blaming yourself was easier than people you relied on for basic human survival. The lack of protection from mom fed into that something is bad or wrong about you. I must have caused it. That is why she is not helping me. Good moms don't abandond suffering children.
You did nothing wrong. Someone must be wrong here---it is them.I would think----but...but if you really knew the WHOLE story you would think differently about it. At age 6 there is no buts or clauses to make it a childs fault.

sadave46 10/10/2012

What happened was nothing short of horrific...from what you've written I struggle to comprehend how you could possibly view this as your fault. You did everything within your power to prevent it... but let me be clear, had you done nothing at all because you were unable due to being frozen by fear or any other reason, it makes no difference in terms of blame or fault.
The child is NEVER at fault regardless of what they do or don't do...there are no exceptions. It;s so important you understand this. It doesn't matter what your mother says or thinks, whether she believes you or not does not matter. If you are a child and anyone bigger, older, stronger or has power over you rapes you, it is a tragedy but in terms of blame ...the blame always falls 100% on the abuser, again, no exceptions. Any blaming of the child by anyone is dead wrong and a form of abuse itself. Survivors who blame the child they were are mistaken and sadly engaging in self abuse. It's never the child's fault ...not in your case or any other. I can't state it any clearer. It's just a fact.

deleted_user 10/11/2012

I am so sorry this happened to you. I do hope you get theropy to help you rise above this and put it behind you forever. There will be some parts that you can't ever rid yourself of... Once a child has been abused it changes their life forever. They see the world through a different set of eyes than a person whom has not been abused.

This was not your fault, it does not matter if you were 6 or 16, abuse is abuse and not brought on or asked for by the victim. NEVER

I was asked by my mom why I didn't tell. I was raised in a home where these things were never discussed. If we had the Sears Roebuck's catalog out picking out underwear or bras and my mom heard my dad coming in from outside, she slammed the catalog shut and hid it before he got through the door. We knew these things were not to be talked about period. Also we were taught that our parents were supreme athority. Who is there to tell, there was no one higher in athority than my parents, that is what they taught.

I am glad to see times are changing and kids are told to tell and who to tell these days. Still it is something that harms you right down to the core of your being. Something like that is hard to talk about at any age, but more so as a small child.

Just know we are here for you and we KNOW what you are dealing with because we have been there too. We believe you. We feel your pain. We know the flashbacks. The flashbacks IMHO are much worse than when it actually happened. When it happened we go numb to survive. Years later when we no longer need to survive and are no longer numb, we can really feel fully the effects and the flashbacks are vividly real.

I wrote a little about this in my journal. I really want to write a book but to write it would mean I would have to relive it in my mind and I am not sure I am willing to go there.

I am praying for you.

bluedragon41 10/12/2012

Hon, he was twice your size. He had a knife, and he stabbed you!
He put you, six-year-old you, in fear for your life!

He used force and terror to subdue you...you were an incredibly brave little girl for having struggled as much as you did!

Look, if someone with a knife tried to rape me today, I'd be hard-put to fend them off without getting killed.
I'm a big, strong female who lifts weights and practices kickboxing drills at home, and I STILL might get raped.

He...I assume to be a dad, stepdad, uncle...someone who was in and out of the house all the time...
He was waiting on an opportunity. He would have assaulted you sooner or later. He was going to do it no matter what.
You did something innocent-walking into your own bedroom. You had NO IDEA this disgusting bastard was a threat. And even if you had known, it's his fault!
Adults have a duty of care to kids-ALL kids.
Don't make excuses for him, it was entirely his choice, his fault, and he knew it was wrong!

(TRIGGER WARNING)

Look...I was raped at six. The first time I was vaginally raped. I went to the bathroom. My grandma was downstairs with the TV up loud. My uncle who was 17 had driven her over, my parents were out for dinner. He ran up the stairs, shoved me down in the bathroom and choked me semiconscious so that I couldn't scream or fight.

...I came up to the guy's stomach! That's how big I was! There was no way I was gonna physically stop him. All he had were his hands, and that's all he needed. He just shoved me down and choked me.

It was not my fault.
What happened to you, it was not your fault, sweetheart.
I know it wasn't.
((((HUGGLES))))

deleted_user 10/14/2012

This was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to stop it from happening. There was NOTHING you could have done, he had all odds against you.
(HUGS)

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