what you are doing is called self mutalation I did it aswell I cut my lef so bad I needed 16 stiches and another time I took a log and hit my self in the head so bad I had to go to the hospital we do it because we hurt so bad inside no one saw the pain I was feeling but they did when I hurt myself, talk to me about what happened if you can I will understand your hurt if you get it out and we can share the pain you won't want to hurt yourself as much I made the mistake of hurting myself with eating disorders and alcoholism don't make that mistake we need to heal and let it out not bury it . My name is Heather add me as a friend if you would like!

We cut because it gives us something to focus on other than the painful memories. It a very sharp, intense pain that overides everything. If we can find healthy ways to shift that focus from cutting to interupting the memories or coming to grips with it then we can easier deal with them.

Its not natural to go through what we have. Finding our true selves again is part of that recovery. That this event or events never define us and who we are. No matter how bad.

Therapy, books and friends have helped me so much in the last year. I encourage you to use these, it will help you come out on top.

The process is not easy but sooo worth it.

Hugs to you

I understand...I feel the same way a lot of the time, it's horrible

Remember you are a person of great worth.

I did my own form of self abuse to myself until I read and was told by several people that no matter what others may think or say about you. You are a great person and you must try and remember that about yourself.

Tell yourself that each day it will be hard at frist but it will get easier and you believe that about yourself. That is where my healing really started and I have really seen a big change in the world around me once I realized a was someone of great worth.

I hope this helps you and your healing will start for you

God Bless

Are you refering to internal and/or mental anguish or actual physical pain associated with your memories? (Sometimes called body memories or somatic memories)

I would get physical pains associated with my abuse before I ever even recovered my repressed memories. The body never forgets. I once wrote in my journal as a teen that my body hurt in "unseemly places" whenever I was around my abuser, and I thought it was a reflection on me, that there was something seriously wrong with me. When I began to remember what he had done, all of the pain made sense.

Either way, I understand why you want to cut. It's a way to feel in control of the pain, and to distract you from painful memories. After all, if you have a choice between self-inflicted physical pain vs uncontrollable mental anguish plus physical pain... why not alleviate the mental anguish and be in control of the situation as well?

I reigned in my own self-injury after 5 years of therapy, including journaling, talking, and several months' worth of hypnotherapy (which I swear by). It is now rare that I get those "body memory" pains or feel the urge to cut, so there is hope in overcoming this. It just takes time, patience, and a whole lot of healing. And a good therapist can make all the difference.

You are using the pain from cutting to block out the memory pain. I cant guarantee this will work for you but I was taught to go out and walk and LOOK. You see things that you have been passed for years and never saw it as you were not looking. I can rember a very large sign I walked past 2-4 times a day and never saw it until this advice. See the tree, flowers etc. Give it a try you have noting to lose if it works. Good Luch and hugs