Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I was sexually assaulted at work when I was 16. He was married - his wife was working just down the corridor from where the attack happened.
I wanted to have friends at work and he and his friend seemed nice. We went to the cinema a week before and my mam warned me that I shouldn't go out with married men - even as friends. I honestly never imagined it would lead to assault. I know it is not my fault that if did.
The night it happened was at the end of my shift. I ran away straight after. I can still see his face staring at me through a gap in the curtains as I ran down the street.
I never went back, insisting to my parents that I never would. I showered and scrubbed myself clean in a numb state. I got a job somewhere else - I haven't been back in 17 years. I've walked past the place a couple of times over the years but never been back inside.
Watching 13 Reasons Why - especially the 2nd season has made me suddenly thoughtful that I might not have been the only one. I am realizing that I was selfish to run away - thinking only of myself and not about what his actions could mean for others. I've been looking online to see if anybody reported him but I have found nothing.
One of the main reasons I for not going back is that I couldn't share the events with my mother. I was scared that she wouldn't believe me or more likely would accuse me of leading I'm on since she had such distaste for me wanting to befriend them in the first place. I still feel that she would think that but I have so many unanswered questions that I feel I need to get answers for. Why didn't she insist to know why I was so distressed? Why didn't she try to investigate? Would she really think that I am at fault?
I also feel that next time I am at home I would like to go back to where it happened to perhaps bring some closure. Maybe I can even confront the individual?
I guess I just want support from this group. I've been thinking about this a lot lately.
Loui x
There can be great healing in revisiting a place of trauma to bring closure. Don’t go if you’ll be retraumatized. It will make it worse. Go if you feel enough time has passed, you’ve received help with healing, and you’re brave enough to mend the psychological power it has over you. Go with someone. Absolutely vent to someone the feelings leading up to it and afterwards. Sexual abuse should not be carried alone. You have support.
The assailant is.
Im going to say it again, it was not your responsibility to stop him. It is not your fault if he hurt more people. That is 100% on him. No one else. Your recovery is about you, and if you werent ready to report/speak out about him that doesnt mean youre irresponsible. It wasnt up to you to stop him.
I really do not believe that confronting your attacker is beneficial. Fact is he either wont admit what he did or he's proud of it(Im sorry, but its true), either way it wont feel like closure-- revisiting the place and attempting to take back control of yourself is one thing, but confronting the individual just sounds like a recipe for trauma reactions.
I hope you find new and helpful ways to cope/better yourself. Good luck X