Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I talked about this for the first time today and I feel that I need to get it off my mind again. I probably should've known better, when I was 6 my cousin that was only three months older then I was made me do things to him and he would do to me that were so wrong. (I know your probably thinking how would a 6 year old know that kind of stuff and make you do things.) But he knew because of his older siblings and watching things that he probably shouldn't have been with no parents around to supervise him. But he made it into a little game and would get so mad at me if I didnt do what he wanted me to, it was truth or dare but mostly he said dare or dare and I hated playing it I could never get away from it. I cant get over the fact that I did it and it happend. I hate myself because of it and I wish life would just go on like it never happend.
I am sorry your cousin did this to you. It was not your fault. I was not shocked at all when you said he knew how to do these things. I think it is probably more likely that it was done to him by someone and that is how he learned to do it to someone else. But regardless as to how he learned it - it was wrong. And it is your cousin who is at fault here, not you.
If you are not already working with a therapist I hope you will consider it. I good therapist will help you process all those feelings and help you heal - fully heal - from what happened. You can fully heal from what happened and you deserve to heal. You deserve a life free from what happened to you.
Please don't hate yourself, though I know it's a natural thing to do. But blaming ourselves for whatever happened is not the road to healing. It's not possible to hate yourself and heal at the same time. And as LuckyEmpath suggested,finding a good therapist will help you heal. A good therapist will also help you to turn self-hate into self-love.
Because it's important to know how sexual abuse impacts our lives I would recommend getting a hold of the book called, The Courage to Heal written by Bass and Davis. If that book feels overwhelming (it's over 500 pages) then they have also written a smaller book called, Beginning to Heal (107 pages).
Healing requires taking action (safe action) so continue to post here, get some help in finding a good therapist (you can check out RAINN's website for guidance), and see if the library has the books I just mentioned; the bigger book has a lot of resources listed so you may want to look at that one first.
A six year old may know how to do sexual things--because they were shown how to do those things--but what they don't understand or know is the emotional consequences of sex at too young an age. So, stop using your energy to blame yourself. Instead, focus energy on your healing.
xx
SuzA