Sex should not hurt--period. In a healthy relationship, you should want to satisfy each other. Your codependent side is definitely showing here. You need to stand up for yourself and either leave if he's not good for you or make it clear that you need to attempt to resolve your problems in bed. Make it clear that you're not taking part in painful sex, and he can either help you get comfortable or beat it.

There are still men out there that believe that a satisfying sexual life is for both people involved. That is very chauvenistic of your partner and totally uncalled for..................
And, I do agree what Steph says 100%, she is absolutely right.

Oh thank you so much - your comments bring tears to my eyes.
I appreciate your support. So sick to my stomach when I think about the look and disgust in his eyes that he really didn't care. I guess it made me feel like the same molested young girl. :(

I must be strong and try to end this relationship because I don't think I will get his understanding. Maybe I just won't find someone who understands but that is better than this situation.

I totally agree with the posters above.

Your instincts of wanting to run are truly founded. Believe in yourself...work on finding how to get away, somewhere where you will feel safe and not feel the need to go back with him.

I have suffered the co-dependency, ran without a proper plan worked out, and found myself putting myself right back into the situation again because the struggle I had away from him seemed too much to handle.
Plan and seek support. Then work on yourself so you never find yourself in this situation again.
You WILL find someone who understands, there are a lot out there who do. Just got to learn to read the early warning signs in people.

Just to add my support. I totally agree with what others have said (and I'm am guy). Sex shouldn't hurt and it's not a matter that you "should want to satisfy him". Sex should be mutual.

His lack of understanding seems to be more than that, it seems a total lack of respect for or value of you.

Just to add my support. I totally agree with what others have said (and I'm am guy). Sex shouldn't hurt and it's not a matter that you "should want to satisfy him". Sex should be mutual.

His lack of understanding seems to be more than that, it seems a total lack of respect for or value of you.

Hi 4ever, I also just want to add my agreement with the others. You deserve to be with someone who respects and values you, wants to help build you up, not tear you down. Co-dependency issues take time to overcome and usually the right counselor to help you work on how to value and trust yourself. Be careful who you choose to befriend or get in a relationship with. I hope and pray you can get the support you need to get on a healing path so you can stand on your own with confidence in yourself and the knowlege that you are a very worthy and valuable person. (((hugs)))

Can I just back up what dr beaker has said concerning there being more to it. Having been in the same situation and getting out of it I slowly realised a lot more had went on. Simple things...like never valuing my opinion, putting me down, violence, lack of support/ encouragement, name calling, sometimes followed by "but it's only a joke! stop being so sensitive!"......the list goes on.
Because I was used to this growing up I saw it as normal , I suppose, and actually believed that this was far easier than what my past had been. Yes it was but it didn't mean I had to put up with it.

You're so right, summerhues.

A long time ago someone told me a story about a frog. Apparently, if you put a frog in a beaker of boiling water it'll jump out. If you put a frog in a beaker of cold water and slowly bring it to the boil, you'll cook the frog.

Abusers rarely start out with outright abuse. It tends to begin in small ways and it's always "just a joke" or "you being sensitive". But it's not a joke, it's not just you, it's abuse.

Thank you all so very much !!! I have alot of work to do but your comments help me feel a big stronger. I will be re-reading them many times. :)

Rule one for this co dependent. "It is none of my business what others think of me." It took me forever to learn...I still forget it from time to time...that I need not change what I feel is 'right' in an effort to be accepted by anyone.

I need to remember that the only person who I am sure will care about me ten years from now is me....and of course some power greater than myself. Therefore I need to act in whys I believe to be "good" . By doing that, I will build up my own self esteem.. If I cannot accept mysel as I am when I do things I believe are 'right' for m, , or like myyself, hen I will never be convinced ohers can accept me as I am either.

too true crusty!

When I was bringing up my kids I always said to them " learn to respect yourself first........how can you know how to respect others, and be shown respect if you can't do this for yourself " ......my way of preparing them for the outside world. I utter these words to myself when I feel the need.

4everyoung 1 It is amazing how the written word can help you see things more clearly. If you are in a situation where there are more things going on than this incident? Maybe it would help to keep a daily diary of everything....what was said/ done, how you felt etc. Then you can read back, see the whole picture......it really does help with any self blame and doubt about leaving. if you do leave, it is there as a reminder of what it was really like, helping you to resist going back into the situation.

nothing pisses me off more than the attitude you spouse has. it is completely selfish, demeaning and a dozen other things. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this.