Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I came to DS several years ago and found a way to cope but it's all messed up again. I keep blaming myself because I enjoyed what happened to me when I was little. I got pleasure from it. It makes me feel like a disgusting monster and I feel like I'm going crazy because I've been constantly thinking about how my grandfather molested me and how much I hate him and myself for what happened. It makes me sick to my stomach. I have nightmares about murdering him...like that's just insane...I feel crazy. And disgusting. And so unbelievably guilty.
I feel like I'll never be able to escape what happened and all I want to do is take it back. It's like the innocence was ripped from me and my whole like I've just been trying to get it back. It's been years since I've had an incident but it feels like it was yesterday.
It's creating problems in my relationship because I get so emotional and angry with my boyfriend for no reason and I'm starting to link it to my depression and guilt over what happened to me when I was little.
So how do I cope? How do I save my relationship?
I feel like I'll never be able to escape what happened and all I want to do is take it back. It's like the innocence was ripped from me and my whole like I've just been trying to get it back. It's been years since I've had an incident but it feels like it was yesterday.
It's creating problems in my relationship because I get so emotional and angry with my boyfriend for no reason and I'm starting to link it to my depression and guilt over what happened to me when I was little.
So how do I cope? How do I save my relationship?
I also felt aroused and pleasure when I was being abused - many of us do. This is because the body is designed to react a certain way when touched a certain way. The body does not distinguish between touch that is abuse or touch that is love and it in no way means that you enjoyed the abuse.
You feel like your innocence was ripped from you because it was. What your grandfather did was shameful to say the very least. It is very important for your own health and peace of mind that you find someone to talk to about this. You deserve to heal from what has been done. Is it possible for you to see a therapist? A school counselor maybe? I have found that the only way to heal from the abuse is to work with a therapist who validated how I felt and helped me navigate the rocky road to healing. Healing is difficult but when you do heal, your life will be wonderful and happy.
You deserve to heal from this. You deserve a wonderful happy life.
Take care