Lord, don't I just know it!! You have to dig deep, find out the cause of your depression, look at it in the light of truth, and figure out how to get out of it. I have found that no one can make me happy but ME, and sometimes trying to do that is next to impossible. So, you go back to therapy and find out how to deal with the depression, how to make yourself happy again. There is always a path out of darkness, but sometimes it takes another person to light the path up for us. The work we always seem to have to do for ourselves, but the path is there if we can only find it!

PS I don't push aside the memories. You are supposed to have them because you experienced them. The key to the memories is not to push them aside, but to accept them as a past that you can't change, and to deal with them, process them, and move on...

thank u mtnmama!
i rly do miss u and im gld ur back giving ur great adivise....i rly want to go back to therapy but my dad wont let me

after my last episode he said he was gonna take me to a hospital then he said he doesnt have the money so idk i guess ill see cuz he doesnt seem like hes gonna do anything

and right now i feel numb in a way like i cant feel....u kno? idk im scared to deal with memores because i dont want them to turn like it was before i even went to therapy or told anyone

Thats great that you dont have flashbacks anymore. I think thats the worse thing about sexual abuse, having to relive it over and over.
*hugs*
I agree with mtnmama62 too. :)