Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
It's been 7 years since I first joined this group and I spent a lot of time and energy coming to terms with the abuse from my childhood. I thought I had got there.
Three years ago I found a man who was lovely and ordinary. It was great.
However, 18 months ago, while finally in a 'normal loving' relationship, my sister who has learning disability, asked me to support her to take the 4 male abusers to court. She'd had a tough time convincing police of her story because of her disability and I wanted to fight for her so I agreed and made statements.
Fast forward 18 months.
Police still messing around and have 10 other survivors willing to stand but it may still be another year before it goes to court, if ever.
It should be great that my little sister is brave enough to do this.
Except I have fallen to pieces. I'm not managing well and in my attempt to manage myself I managed to wind up alone again because my partner couldn't cope with me or what is happening.
I'm not sure I can remain sane. I feel like I have been abused all over again. I finally thought I was on the road to semi normal.
Instead it's like the abusers are again the centre of the world.
I'm doubly heart broken and feel like I'm going under. I've started getting panic attacks for the first time. It's all so overwhelming. Any practical advice would be helpful.
Three years ago I found a man who was lovely and ordinary. It was great.
However, 18 months ago, while finally in a 'normal loving' relationship, my sister who has learning disability, asked me to support her to take the 4 male abusers to court. She'd had a tough time convincing police of her story because of her disability and I wanted to fight for her so I agreed and made statements.
Fast forward 18 months.
Police still messing around and have 10 other survivors willing to stand but it may still be another year before it goes to court, if ever.
It should be great that my little sister is brave enough to do this.
Except I have fallen to pieces. I'm not managing well and in my attempt to manage myself I managed to wind up alone again because my partner couldn't cope with me or what is happening.
I'm not sure I can remain sane. I feel like I have been abused all over again. I finally thought I was on the road to semi normal.
Instead it's like the abusers are again the centre of the world.
I'm doubly heart broken and feel like I'm going under. I've started getting panic attacks for the first time. It's all so overwhelming. Any practical advice would be helpful.
I have felt really unhinged and it is difficult to get people to understand that when they haven't been through it.
It really does feel like I'm losing my mind. The extreme grief and constant brain overload and physiological gut wrenching fear responses are sometimes so strong I have to sit down because it makes me dizzy and I feel like I'm going to fall over or pass out.
It makes me realise how much I must of disosociated before as well as why. Is this really normal? Does this happen to everyone?
Are you seeing a therapists? But not just any therapist but a good one who specializes in this kind of trauma.
I have spent the past three years researching and publishing support groups for people who were abused as children. some groups help partners and family too. I am in the UK so on your time zone. You can pm me and I will send you a list for your area. There may be a service or agency that can offer you support and further advice. Or go to my profile page on here and click my website and then click the map. Scroll down to England and see if there is anything available.
Kadunn, I'm sorry you had to go through it too. I do appreciate that you have shared that experience With me.it really helped me to feel less alone with all. Thank you.
After lots of tears I am beginning to feel I'm starting to come out the other side; less hopeless.
I'm still in shock of how completely overwhelming it can be! Like the deepest darkest hole ever! And it amazes me that people can see you and have no idea. That probably sounds stupid but it sure felt like a screaming scary hurricane from the inside. In a weird way I'm kind of in awe that our body and mind has been able to keep all that locked away.
Until this melt down I prided myself that I wasn't really effected by it. I think it might be time to rethink or re feel that.
Therapy has taken a while to while to get here.
Thanks carolin, I had my first meeting with a sexual abuse and rape counsellor on Friday. I had been waiting for 7 months. I wonder if that had anything to do with the explosion?
Right now it just feels so nice(?) just to be able to talk/write about it to people that actually get it and really understand. It can feel quite isolating sometimes. Thank you so much. Xx
7 months though to wait for therapy is a long time. As the therapist if they can help you with coping skills between appointments.
It's not even his damn trauma, and he runs?
Were I in your shoes?
...I'd be hurt, but I would also think " why on earth would I want someone who flakes like that when life gets hard?"
That's harsh, yeah...but life doesn't spare anybody. Even Mr Weak Reed.
Hurts like hell, though, and it's not fair...it's retraumatizing.
This crap is not your fault.
See if there are support groups that can help you.
If you are in the UK, getting private insurance is not expensive and *might* open up a lot more treatment possibilities for you.
I am though really trying to separate the sadness of the two situations which has been hard. I found the break up was getting all my emotions at first but then realised that a lot of that emotion was about the abuse and reporting it.
And your right. If there is someone out there meant for me he won't be a flake when things get tough.
In the meantime I need to learn how to help myself.
Im hoping this therapist is good. We'll have six months and hopefully she can give me some good coping strategies for the next time I'm floored.
This site and the responses have already a great help. Thank you