Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I have been abused when I was 6 years old, and I always had a very high sexual drive from since I can remember. I don't understand why since my experience has been very traumatic! On the other hand, my cousins whom I know have been abused too they also have a very high sexual drive and they can barely control it. I kind of "saved" myself by watching lots of porn and just using my fantasy, while my cousins keep passing from one guy to another, always unhappy because of the feeling of being used and being trapped in the desire for being used (hope that makes sense).
I am now living with my partner and he's the best person I could ever find. He's perfect in every way (to me) and he is much more I could ever ask in a relationship. Still, the difference between my sexual drive and his is frustrating me so much! I don't like feeling angry at him for this, and of course I don't want to force him to sleep with me when he doesn't feel like it. I wish I could just stop desiring him so much, If it was possible I'd probably have sex with him the whole day and night, while in reality we do it few times a week when it's good and very rarely these days because of his stomach problems.
I find this weird because even when I do have sex with him, it's extremely painful for me. I have a condition and my intimate parts are not as elastic as they should be, so they rip every time we have intercourse (I am working on this with my doctor), then why do I want this so much? It just feels so good to be desired by him, held by him and lie together, but that's not all. Because we cuddle a lot (hours sometimes) shouldn't that be enough?
He knows about this situation and he's not very sure about how to help me in this case. He's very supportive anyway.
I don't know what to do, and was just now researching about medication that can help reduce sexual desire.
I am now living with my partner and he's the best person I could ever find. He's perfect in every way (to me) and he is much more I could ever ask in a relationship. Still, the difference between my sexual drive and his is frustrating me so much! I don't like feeling angry at him for this, and of course I don't want to force him to sleep with me when he doesn't feel like it. I wish I could just stop desiring him so much, If it was possible I'd probably have sex with him the whole day and night, while in reality we do it few times a week when it's good and very rarely these days because of his stomach problems.
I find this weird because even when I do have sex with him, it's extremely painful for me. I have a condition and my intimate parts are not as elastic as they should be, so they rip every time we have intercourse (I am working on this with my doctor), then why do I want this so much? It just feels so good to be desired by him, held by him and lie together, but that's not all. Because we cuddle a lot (hours sometimes) shouldn't that be enough?
He knows about this situation and he's not very sure about how to help me in this case. He's very supportive anyway.
I don't know what to do, and was just now researching about medication that can help reduce sexual desire.
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
Of the people I have known who have a high sex drive they have a feeling that sex defines who they are. Because they grew up in an atmosphere where they were used for sex they believe that their purpose is to please others in a sexual way. And only when they are satisfying others sexually do they themselves feel complete and worthy.
I fall into the second category where I do not have sex at all. I have vaganismus which is the inability to have sex. For me, nothing can get in. It's an automatic reaction from the violence that was forced upon me. To me, sex is disgusting, but with lots of therapy I have healing that part of me and will be able to have sex eventually.
If you have not worked with a therapist I would urge you to find one. A good therapist can help you heal from your past and work with you so you understand why you have a high sex drive. They can also help you manage it so it does not cause any conflict with you and your partner.
Take care
I was very reluctant to start having intercourse. I had a dread of penetration and did not believe I could accommodate so much as a tampon. When my therapist pointed out to me that babies pass through there, so it really is very flexible, I was able to relax more, although it was years before I could fully enjoy the act.
I would imagine it is somewhat frightening and disturbing for your partner to feel that he is causing you pain and damage when you have sex. For a normal man, giving his partner pleasure is a big component of his own pleasure. It is a painful situation - no pun intended.
Counseling definitely seems called for. I don't know if there is any short-term solution to your problem. I would suggest sexual activity that doesn't include intercourse, but I don't know if that will be enough for you. To your partner it might seem preferable to hurting you.
I wish you all the best, and if you find it helpful, please come back here and avail yourself of our support and understanding.
Thank you so much for your replies, it does feel better to know that other people have been there.