
Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

SeekingStrength19
I was recently discussing my childhood SA with my therapist. I was asked if I could forgive my abuser. My answer: NO. No way, no how, never.
So then the question changed, could I could forgive myself? Confused, I asked for clairification. I was then asked if I could forgive myself for allowing the abuse to happen and continue, for years that it did, without telling.
My answer, I don't know. I've been thinking about it. I don't know if I can forgive myself. I don't know how. I am mad that I let it happen in the first place and, once it did, that I didn't say anything to anyone. I don't know why I didn't tell.
How do I forgive myself? Has anyone else done this?
So then the question changed, could I could forgive myself? Confused, I asked for clairification. I was then asked if I could forgive myself for allowing the abuse to happen and continue, for years that it did, without telling.
My answer, I don't know. I've been thinking about it. I don't know if I can forgive myself. I don't know how. I am mad that I let it happen in the first place and, once it did, that I didn't say anything to anyone. I don't know why I didn't tell.
How do I forgive myself? Has anyone else done this?
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I think of forgiving myself for the shame and guilt that this has had on me for all these years. That I was a child...Innocent...I was not at fault for the abuse...The ABUSER IS AT FAULT.
I can't tell you why I kept it a secret...I don't know...maybe b/c the person that did it to me was supposed to have been a person I trusted...and he betrayed me, my trust, my innocence.
YOU did NOT allow the abuse to happen and continue...you were a child...who didn't know any better.
It's the ABUSER that allowed the abuse to happen and contine. And, I cannot forgive my abuser at this stage in my healing either.
But, forgiving yourself is important...and freeing yourself to dispel the truth to all who know the evil abuser is sweet revenge to me...The Truth Shall Be Told.
Be angry, be sad, but NEVER think you have anything to forgive yourself for.
As for forgiving your abuser, well that's a whole other discussion.....
what i do have trouble forgiving myself for is feeling upset by it. letting it hurt me for so long,....
i need to think about that for a while
i know some people say you can't measure these things, but i know that i wasn't victimised for a very long period of time...and i feel that it couldn't of been very much.
Anyway, my therapist keeps calling me a victim. I told him that I don't like that label but he said he's going to keep using it to get me used to it. I think he thinks I'm in denial (he hasn't said that) but I'm not. I know it happened, I'm not denying that. I just don't want to continue to be a victim in my adult life. I guess I can "forgive" myself for not speaking up as a child... but ugh... I'm just confused about everything.
Everything said, I do think I'm making progress. I'm not as angry and feel like I'm progressing towards a happier adult life. Maybe he knows what he's doing?
Ugh... I'm babbling. Sorry.
When I was a child I did try to tell someone but they wouldn't believe me.
I don't think forgiving ourselves has anything to do with something we did wrong. I think it is giving ourselves permission to say this is how our abusers made me feel adn I believed it for a long time. So it was my fault so to speak. Forgiving yourself is a little bit of a misnouma. It is really saying this is not my fault and i don't have feel as if it was.
Forgiveness for a victem is letting yourself know that you don't have to feel the way you have it was not my fault and allows you to say, " hey wait a minute this was not my fault and therefore I am letting this millstone of guilt around my neck go".
I know it is a very confusing question but asked in the right context, i think is apropriate.
I had to forgive myself for the little boy inside of me.
It's society that has the hang ups with these issues. They, for the most part, seem reluctant to deal with such issues and wish to sweep them under the rug.
That's what gives the abuser such power. The abuser knows for the most part nothing will be said and even worse, most don't want to hear about it or believe it.
So I would say forgiving yourself for what an adult (a supposed trusting authority figure) did is by no means something you should put on yourself.