Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Pardon...
I was going to print out a temporary insurance card at my mom's house. I was trying to plug the USB cable into her laptop. The printer was on the floor, I was on my hands and knees looking for the port.
Mom came up behind me and touched me on the hip, presumably to push me to the side a bit so she could try to help...
I jumped away from her and shouted " get away from me!"
I then started shaking...and had to go home. Trying not to drive like a maniac. I kept having to fight off the sensation of one of those guys at the party, grabbing my hips like I was a sack of flour.
I ended up deliberately just shouting, wordlessly, like I would have been beaten silly for back then.
I was six years old at this party.
Me and this boy I knew from school got to be sex toys for a roomful of guys all night? He was...um...kind of tortured as well. I don't think details are necessary.
I just started getting back memories of it...well, more than glimpses...in 2015.
( I got another scene late last year...Dad delivered me to a motel suite and the guys there were merciful enough to drug me with something, backed with alcohol. I was too noodly to move or feel. But I digress.)
I don't want it to be real, but now I'm having flashbacks from it, I guess that's the point. Seems real.
Feels real, my groin is hurting now that I wrote this out.
I was going to print out a temporary insurance card at my mom's house. I was trying to plug the USB cable into her laptop. The printer was on the floor, I was on my hands and knees looking for the port.
Mom came up behind me and touched me on the hip, presumably to push me to the side a bit so she could try to help...
I jumped away from her and shouted " get away from me!"
I then started shaking...and had to go home. Trying not to drive like a maniac. I kept having to fight off the sensation of one of those guys at the party, grabbing my hips like I was a sack of flour.
I ended up deliberately just shouting, wordlessly, like I would have been beaten silly for back then.
I was six years old at this party.
Me and this boy I knew from school got to be sex toys for a roomful of guys all night? He was...um...kind of tortured as well. I don't think details are necessary.
I just started getting back memories of it...well, more than glimpses...in 2015.
( I got another scene late last year...Dad delivered me to a motel suite and the guys there were merciful enough to drug me with something, backed with alcohol. I was too noodly to move or feel. But I digress.)
I don't want it to be real, but now I'm having flashbacks from it, I guess that's the point. Seems real.
Feels real, my groin is hurting now that I wrote this out.
When my memories started to return they were in the form of flashbacks. They are awful and I am very sorry you or any of us has to go through them. I did get to a point in my healing though when the flashbacks stopped and the memories returned more gently. Hopefully this happens for you too.
I am a little over 4 years into my healing process and I STILL say to my therapist "I can't believe THAT was my childhood". It is so unbelievable but....it's the truth. Just as yours is also the truth.
Body memories are also very difficult. I learned how to do Reiki so I could move the stuck body memories out of me. It did help a lot but, as with all healing, it took time.
I hope you are doing better today and the terror you felt at the moment has now subsided.
((hugs))
You suffered. Your body is trying to help you heal, but you know these things.
it's hard for me to know what I might say that would help. I just wish I could hold that little six year old part of you and let her know none of it was done because of who she was.
Will you hold her?
((hugs))
SuzA
that happens to me sometimes too.
for some reason, now I am hyper vigilant about 'safety', especially of my dependents...so, if something happens, or, I heat that something happens, there I am having another public demonstration of one, protesting against injustice and inwardly raging.
I did this for a policewoman whom I felt could be picked on.
I did this for a lawyer as well.
I did this for a person I barely knew from a support group, and was going to face down her tormenters myself.
I did this for the environment and the displaced people that are being effected by the insult and abuse.
I still do this in the name of a deceased loved one, who was murdered by the sexual abusers, indirectly, so they could laugh at how they were getting away with it thru the loop holes of our 'crummy' justice system.
hmmmm I heard that person on the doing something nice for yourself.
I also heard them on resting, as 'rest' is so important to a person's ability to withstand stress.
perhaps you could pray a little more, for the abusers, make a point of it every day, and then also, to pray for guidance of Him each day.
and don't forget, you can always start the day over.
I guess our generation has been f**ked up to such an extent where nothing is sacred anymore.
My Neighbour is still going on about me making loud noises, but again that's the flashbacks reemerging.