Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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flashbacks

CrimsonTears
CrimsonTears
last night i had the worst one ive ahd in a LONG time i woke up feeling him all over me and feeling dirty and i just wanted to get him off of me any way i could but no matter what i couldnt cuz hes in my head. He wont leave. I cant make him go away. People ask why i cut but if they spent one day seeing and feeling what i do with these flashbacks and hearing my thoughts theyd either cut or kill themselves for sure. Im tired of being judged by assholes that dont know what i deal with and dont know me i never thought about suicide until my pastor informed me i was suicidal and argued with me about it. So i decided maybe he was right and tried but i chickened out and let them help me. But now it crosses my mind all the time I hate ppl. Christians are the worst ppl sometimes cuz they put themselves above everyone and are the most judgemental ppl. Not all of them but most. I have not found a church that a dont feel judged by someone. Im tired of it. Im so stressed and emotional cuz of my flashbacks im fighting with ryan and he doesnt understand what hes doing wrong and hes really not its me im so fkd up. I love him but im so afraid of getting hurt I freak out on him waiting for him to leave. The poor guys dealt with so much of my sht and hes still here. Shouldnt that make me realize he does love me? Why cant i believe someone can really love me? Why cant i get him out of my head and live life and be happy? why cant i stop my flashbacks? why didnt i stop him or tell someone when it started. maybe if i had i wouldntve gotten this bad. i wouldnt have gotten pregnant in fkn 7th grade and lost it. IDK sorry I said enough now im done i cant deal with this anymore its getting harder and harder not to cut or worse and im just sick of pain. I want out
deleted_user
deleted_user
hey i know what you mean about christians and i found the same thing until i went to the kingdom hall of jehovahs witnesses, theyre different there and i urge you to try it out, i have recieved so much help from most of the brothers there. before going there i went to the baptist church, assembly of god, catholic, anglicain, morman, church of christ and christian outreach centre so ive had my fair share of judgemental chrisitans. at the aog i was getting flashbacks for the first time in my life and i rang my pastor and he just told me to pray, he didn't even come around or give me any scriptures or anything. god intended for the overseers in the church to be an aid, not to do nothing! lol.

its fair enough that you are feeling so terribly i don't judge you i think you have a right to feel the way that you do after whats happened and what continues to happen. can you afford counseling and is there anyone who you can talk to about things openly because its not fair that the way they have made you feel makes you cut yourself. you didn't do anything wrong, you shouldn't have to keep being in pain.
CrimsonTears
CrimsonTears
im in therapy twice a week sometimes more
deleted_user
deleted_user
I my self am a christian and personally its about your reletionship with God and thats it. Ive known people that are christians and judgmental and people that are not christian and judgmental. I really think christians get a bad rap from the judgemental ones!! Im a very FREE spirited one who has never judged and has just about been through it all! im really sorry your having a hrd time with these flashbacks and with the people in your church. I think you really would benefit from seeing a counselour cause thats when my flashbacks were worst was at night. He has helped me so much. Also he is a christian and Ive told him so much and never felt judged. You know Im sorry your hurting if you want to talk, message me. But remember Not all christians are judgmental. Jesus feels your pain. Think about Easter this weekend he died on the cross for our sins and rose again. Ill pray for you. If your ever in question read his word.(HUGS)
CrimsonTears
CrimsonTears
i know not all christians are... i said sometimes. Im a christian but not the judgemental kind sorry if that sounded mean i was having a bad day and alot of ppl from church were hurting me emotionally and i went off on here instead of blowing up at church and hurting ppls feelings ya know. sorry
deleted_user
deleted_user
Crimson please do not apoligize for posting what you did. You wrote it because you needed to be heard. this has to be a safe haven from having to apoligize!

Crimson, there are many reasons not to cut or to do anything to yourself. You truly can have happiness in your life. I lived my HELL and now I am living in my Heaven with a window to HELL.

What I mean by that is When I was a child I was subjected to things that are just unspeakable. But I have survived and I have gone on to have a wonderful life with a wonderful man and 3 beautiful children. The only thing that is missing from your life is STRENGTH! But you can find that..You need to find someone that will listen and help you to heal!

There is so much living to do! You have to take control of your life and stop letting others control it. Even if this means just those memories..you have to take control of the flash backs and good couselor can do this for you my dear!

Hang in there! You can only be defeated it you let them win! Fight for yourself and get your self esteem back!! Be a survivor!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
No dont apoligize is right. I am just sorry you had a bad experience and are having a hard time. I hope you are feeling better. I think everyone is free to post whatever and Im non judging anyone for whatever reason. Were all here to help eachother heal and get better. Sorry if "I" got off on christians being jugmental, which I know there are some. I guess I was missing the whole point I really hope you are getting the help you need!!whether at a church or counseling or wherever!