So sorry this happened to you! It was a betrayal on more than one level. A good counselor would be a lot of help with giving you tools to help you through this traumatic experience. Prayer for your healing.

I’m very sorry to hear of your assault experience. I agree about seeking a professional counselor to start the process of healing, otherwise you are going to be subject to triggers that will cause you to relive the tragedy, possibly for several years. Also, was wondering if you had filed an assault charge with the police to hold them accountable. Please take time to help yourself heal. God bless.

Hi red.

Of course, seek professional help is always good advice. However, so many of us need time to work up the courage to do this. In the mean time, it might help you to allow yourself to feel badly. What I mean is this horrible act has created many losses for you, and whenever there is a loss, the human nature needs time to grieve. grieving is healthy.

From my own experiences, I know you have probably loss some of your self esteem, self worth, as well as the ability to trust and accept things at face value. You were betrayed and that carries with it its own repertoire of emotions affecting how open you can be with relationships of all kinds.

Please allow yourself to accept that it is okay to feel what you feel.

I can remember crying suddenly in front of people for no apparent reason and saying to them, "I don't know what is wrong with me today"

I was grieving. It hurt.

its okay to be vulnerable and strong at the same time. Its okay to move past the traumas and feel the pain they caused us to begin with.

it's human.

triple hugs of support

Precious friend,

Your story resonates with me. I know what it's like to think you're okay, until you get in a relationship and get triggered, I transferred my anger, my fear, and my mistrust onto my husband. We ended up divorced in large part because I had not dealt with the abuse, and it came back to bite me in our marriage. I absolutely encourage you to seek professional help. It takes courage to do so, but it can be tremendously helpful and healing. A couple of books that really, really helped me were Resurrection after Rape by Matt Atkinson and The Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz. Those two books did wonders for me, and I hope they might be helpful for you. There's also The Courage to Heal. It has some really good exercises. Just know that you are not alone.