A lot of information/feelings are relayed in body language so I can certainly understand your nervousness of talking about it face to face. So many of us are afraid we will be judged or called a liar and even if those words are not spoken a simple facial expression can show those feelings loud and clear. It's scary. Plus...once we speak those words they become real. Something happens in our minds when we speak the words. Suddenly, once we hear ourselves say it, we believe it ourselves. If we don't say anything we can pretend it didnt happen. That we just made it up - and that's how we survived with our secret - by pretending it didn't happen.

You can ease yourself into it though. You do not need to tell your entire story in one visit. Try saying "I was sexually abused" and see what happens. You don't need to say any more than that. But I can say that once you start to talk about it and your therapist supports you it does get easier. It's that first step that is so hard but you can do it. Just do it slowly.

((Hugs))

heidique,

You're right to "...want to be able to talk about it face to face." I believe it's in the sharing with another human being face to face that a lot of healing takes place. And as you've experienced, "...email sessions are easier /but/ slow and feel impersonal."

It took me a long time to feel safe enough to open up and I don't know of any way around this because the issue, I believe, is about trust and safety. And both these critical parts of therapy take time to grow.

One thing that might help build this bridge, however, is to write down the painful things you need to get out and read them aloud to your therapist.

Another thing, if you haven't already done it, is to talk with your therapist about the difficulty you're having opening up face to face and how badly you want to because of the pain.

Bottom line though, heidique, is to trust yourself. Don't go any faster than it feels safe to do.

Hang in there because we can heal.

xx
SuzA

I would go by all of the advice that the others have put above me but also you may want to open up to a person that you can trust as well that is close to you that can talk to you when your therapist is not around. I would recommend either a sibling or a cousin maybe even a parent. But wait until you have had at least two sessions with the therapist and have your therapist add you as a friend on this website.

Sorry, but i have to disagree with the advice of the previous poster. I would never add my therapist as a friend on this site. I need privacy from my therapist and I might need a place to process any issues I might have with my therapist.

Maybe you can write whatever you would have said in an email, and have the therapist read it while you are sitting there in the same room with her/him. That's a step towards being about to talk about it face to face. Another step forward, when you're ready for it, would be to bring the "email" with you and read it to the therapist while sitting in the room with them.

There are definitely steps you can take that lie halfway between only discussing things in emails and being able to say everything out loud in person.

I did try writing and reading it out in counselling but just couldn't speak the words then my counsellor stopped me and said it felt to much at the minute.

heidique,

Good that you tried to write and then read it aloud. I know that even that can be hard if we are not yet ready.

Another thing I did in therapy when I couldn't talk or read aloud was to draw what I was feeling...I drew my anger and pain. And while I couldn't always talk about my drawings they were there able to express my inner pain.

What do you think?

xx
SuzA