I'm sort of at a loss these days. Between the ages of 6-9 I was sexually and physically abused by a neighbor boy. I remember everything perfectly, right down to the way his room was set up and how he smelled. When I was 17 I was assaulted by a man I was supposed to go to the movies with. He was 21 and decided we were going to go back to his place instead. Again, I have no trouble remembering what happened. Yet I have this feeling in the back of my mind that my grandfather did something like this to me when I was younger. I've had this feeling for many years and things just remain in fragments in my head. We used to sleep in the same bed often when I would visit and I remember his wife telling me we were disgusting. I remember having to change into night gowns and a hand running up my thigh. I remember taking baths and the door opening and shutting and looking up and he was in there. I don't remember him every actually touching me and there are times I just feel so horrible because all of my other memories are wonderful of him. But there's just this dark feeling whenever I think of him. About two or three years ago my mother also disclosed, without ever knowing about this, that my grandfather, her father, offered her money in exchange for sex when she was 15. She says that was the only time he ever did anything like that but it got me thinking that a man who asks his own daughter for sex.. well, would he be above doing something to his granddaughter?

Part of me doesn't know why I'm sharing this. Maybe I just need to get it out. I don't know if I'm looking for validation or to be told that it's all in my head.. I don't know what to do and I feel awful for having this feeling that he hurt me in this way without an proof.