Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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tazgore 07/26/2008

Ok, so i have not been posting on this site for a while, but i have been around. I have just been feeling, "not important", enough to post anything. Well I went to my Therapy session this week... kinda feeling the same way about that too, and my therapist asked me this long series of questions and then all of a sudden she asks me if i feel like a burden to people. I know its weird but that question shocked me. it was of course true. From the day the abuse happened i have been like that. When i came home (it happened outside of the home), every one was happy. I had a good family, and i just did not want to make everyone upset. I did not want to disturb the happiness. My whole life I've tried not to bother people, or ask for help, or do anything that would benefit me if i thought that it would be a bother to someone. She told me that that kind of feeling is directly connected to the abuse. I just can't believe all of the opportunities that i missed just because i did not want to be a burden. All of the things that i could have done that i denied myself all because of one single act. And whats worse is that now even though i understand why i act the way i do, I probably will not change. At least i can't see myself changing. Anyway, I'm not sure why i am posting this, just to vent i guess. I still feel like hitting that "Submit" button would be doing nothing more than cluttering up discussion group.

supermanreturns 07/26/2008

Hey man, your no burden

I feel this way too and its normal for abuse survivors but we really deserve to have our feelings and desires heard. I for one am tired of being a doormat because of the shit I went through.

I want you to know you can change this but It doesn't happen suddenly. I've had various success with it. I am definitely a work in progress.

Alot of it is that ours abusers had no regard for us so we learn not to love or put ourselves first.

Even the littlest things at times I have a hard time. Like asking for help. We can't always do everything ourselves and its healthy to ask for help.

The good news is it's in our nature to love ourselves but because of what happens and our learned patterns we think otherwise

I keep talking of a book called Learned Optimism. I think it is a good book to read and deals with the core issues of being a burnden. It comes to the negative things we say about ourselves.

Its not your fault you feel this way. It's the result of a shitty experience.

I hope this helps

deleted_user 07/26/2008

ur not a burden at all hun, although i completely understand the feeling....i feel the same way all the time its a pain sometimes too cause i just hold everything in, if u ever need anything just send me a message

deleted_user 07/26/2008

Taz you are important and your not a burden to anyone here! You need to see yourself as, Important. It is wonderful that you came from a wonderful family and that is more of a reason to let them know what you went through because they would be there for you! You can and will change. In therapy you should do some work on self worth and self esteem, even though many of us don't think we have a problem with either when we start to work on these issues we realize just how much we lack.

You will realize through the growth of your self worth and self esteem that you too should be heard and others should ask how you are and help you when needed. Not just the other way around. For years I made everyone else's life wonderful, doing everything I could for everyone else. Now, I ask for help and I get what I need from others!

Patrick very well said!!

Hugs to you all!

deleted_user 07/26/2008

Hey...I just wanted to tell you that I feel the same way, you're totally not alone with this one

deleted_user 07/26/2008

I almost feel like you put words to how I feel. I have a boss who I call up because I need help. As soon as he answers the phone, I apologize for bothering him. He finally gave me the what-for and I have been trying to remember that he is there to help me do my job. I guess I never labeled my actions or automatic behaviors as a burden. But that's exactly what it is. People ask how I'm doing and it's usually a "fine" because I don't want to be a burden. Thank you for sharing. You are not a burden to us here at DS. And as you can see, sharing your thoughts has helped others, too. So, that makes you a blessing.
Taker care of yourself and keep talking to us. I for one need to hear what you have to say.
T

deleted_user 07/26/2008

You are definetely NOT a burden!!!! I hope that you start to feel like you can participate in the voicing how you feel. We are here to help you. However, I do know how you feel. I still at times feel like stating my problems will only mess things up or upset people. I want to talk but sometimes I feel that I would be hurting someone else by talking about how I feel.

deleted_user 07/26/2008

i have always been a burden to people so i totally understand how you feel. since i was old enough to remember. sometimes i think i still am. now i have soo many problems but enough of that. you shouldnt be. i have gotten to the point in my relationship that we do talk and help each other out and understand thigns.

deleted_user 07/26/2008

You can be called many things...a survivor, a fighter, a sensitive person who feels pain and hopefully happiness and HOPE.
A burden you are not.
Please place the burden where it belongs...in the hands of your abuser.
You are valuable, you are special, you are WORTH it!
You did nothing wrong...G

tazgore 07/27/2008

It's a real good feeling to know that i'm not a burden to you guys. Thank you very much for all of the thing that yall said. I had to leave the computer for a while, so i'm just now reading every thing.
I guess i never really thought of it as self esteem issues, but i suppose it is. i just felt really down about the whole thing today. This is the closest i've come to actually being angry about what happend, but what i really feel is just plain lousey.
Well ive got another session tomorrow... i'll talk to her about this whole being a burden thing and self esteem issues.

It reall ment a lot what everyone said to me. Thanks.

deleted_user 07/27/2008

You can always talk to us about what you are feeling or going through. We will listen and give advise.

grasshopper7 07/27/2008

you are not "cluttering up" this space. i appreciate your input. i've been there also. it is good to come into this place and know that you are not alone.

grasshopper7 07/27/2008

you are not "cluttering up" this space. i appreciate your input. i've been there also. it is good to come into this place and know that you are not alone.

deleted_user 07/27/2008

Congratulations! You made a new start on the day you posted this. Burden? No. You are simply a survivor like the rest of us. We are here for you. Now, isn't it nice to have access to us at anytime?

I wish you all the luck in the world with your healing. peace and love .... Kyle Anne

deleted_user 07/28/2008

I was excited when i saw your post because I remember you being really cool, and I went right to it to see what was going on with you. I know we all are going thru intense times, we are here for eachother. A burden? Never! Love, Pamela

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