Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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Feeling Invisible

twyliah
twyliah
I have realized that my feeling of being invisible, metaphorically not literally is related to my abuse and specifically to no one noticing it or ever really acknowledging that it happened. I had an aha moment the other day when I realized that my feeling of being invisible has really contributed to a lot of problems in my work life and family life. Specifically, I think it has contributed to my perfectionism, I suppose trying to be noticed for something and giving up when something is not perfect, which few things ever are. I wanted to share this as I thought it might be beneficial to someone and also I guess as a way of being visible. Having an aha moment felt incredibly good as if I have figured out another piece of the puzzle!
RichieD
RichieD
Congratulations on adding to your personal puzzle. I'm working on my own now and then, and it really feels good to find a place where a piece fits perfectly, then looking at how the picture emerges.

At first I rejected the picture, but now I'm getting used to it and learning how so much of the pain in my life has followed from my abuse. A little bit at a time, this puzzle of our lives can be hard to deal with if we try to take in too much truth at one time.

I know exactly what you mean about feeling invisible and trying so hard to prove that you're worthy of respect. For a long time I just couldn't accept that anyone would actually want to be with me as a friend or partner. I still have trouble with that. At times I just feel really dirty and contemptible...not sure where that comes from.
sugarbear75
sugarbear75
Great for you ! It is nice to put the pieces together. Thanks for sharing.
LuckyEmpath
LuckyEmpath
That's GREAT! I love when I feel progress has been made and when I connect the dots. I also felt very invisible through life and I am a perfectionist. I was the proverbial 'fly on the wall' in my house and learned from an early age to just stay invisible to stay out of all the crap going on. To this day, if I'm in a room with people being loud, like at a party or even if people are arguing, I find I retreat into my invisibility. I become super quiet and try to disappear.

I never made the connection between my invisibility and perfectionism like you have but it does make a lot of sense. Thank you for sharing this. I'm going to be looking at it a bit different now.

Take care
SuzA66
SuzA66
twyliah,

I hear you, as a recovered "perfectionist'...LOL.

I too, felt invisible. I think mine was from needing that invisibility to protect myself from the constant "warfare" going on in my house as a child. Another was from the false belief that I didn't count. And the third from another false belief that I wasn't important enough to be seen.

I think those needs and false beliefs did manifest as a need to be perfect. I think in my child-mind I thought if I could make things perfect then my step-mom and dad would stop fighting so much.

I thought if I could be perfect than maybe I would count enough to be important.

What a relief it was to finally understand that I am "good enough" just the way I am. Sure, I always want to do my best, but there is a line I know I cross when I start beating myself up for not doing more, or beat myself up for not getting it 100% right.

I give it my all and honor myself for that, whether it's perfect or not. In fact, I've come to a place in life where I can see that imperfection can be perfect just the way it is! :-)

xx
SuzA