I am tormented about Fathers day. There was another post on this subject but its different for me. My father did not abuse me, but within a few months of my abuse he left my mother for another woman. He did not know that I had been abused, know one did. The most absurd thing about all of this is that when it happened I felt nothing. All I remember about it was that I had found my Mom sitting on the couch crying. When I asked what was wrong, she told me that Daddy was not coming home anymore. The only emotion I felt was that I was sad because my Mom was sad. No fear, no anger, no sadness felt that he wasnt coming home again. Even growing up, I never thought bad of him. I guess it was because of that that I became very close to my half-sisters. He of course later left them too. Getting another divorce and he is now married again. I guess what all of this is boiling up to is that I am suddenly starting to feel anger, and betrayal, 33 years later. I tried to buy him a fathers day card and I felt sick to my stomach. I finally got one of the most bland / generic cards I could find. I have not sent it yet. My Dad and I have had years of good relations, and now suddenly this. I feel so guilty about it. I mean he will not understand why my attitude towards him is changing. I still have not told him about the abuse. I guess the reason why is more about the anger and lack of trust.

But meanwhile, my 15 year old son is looking forward to going fishing with me in the Gulf of Mexico. I will celebrate the day, but there will be a huge hole in my heart.