I replied on your parallel post in the depression group.

You are looking for a better place, and I admire you for that!

this is something that will always be with you. but when you get older, you'll have more control over when and how much to see your family.

you are still young so it's hard to make decisions about your family life.

i'm here for you sweetie. i wish he would just go away forever!!!!

you are strong and talking about it here to us will help.

nexttime, if you reallly need feeback, put in your post title, please help, or crying (abuse trigger) something like that. hugs to you. haven't seen you around in a while. but i was away too. hug sweetie.

Firstly, you did not bring it on, or bring him on nor did you let if happen - it is not your fault. It is never the victim's fault. No one deserves to be raped, by a stranger, by someone they know, by a family member - no one.
I can understand that you feel ashamed because it was someone from your family, but can I tell you that same shame roots itself deep into your soul even when it is a stranger.
I was abused and raped by a man from my church who got close to my family. I know now he got close to my family in order to get closer to me but he wasn't a stranger. The first time he abused me was when I was 9. He abused and raped me 2 more times after my 10th birthday. When I was 19 however, I was walking my dog one night and a stranger came from behind and knocked me to the ground and raped me. That same man came back 12 months later and raped me again. I didn't know who he was but it made it no easier. No easier to acknowledge, no easier to process, no easier to accept. Shame is shame. It's roots grow deep and they grow even deeper with self condemnation, when we say that we did something to bring it on or we must have dressed a certain way. It's like we are feeding the shame.

I've made lots of mistakes in my life, turned to lots of the wrong things in order to cope and I'm only just beginning to find my feet again. I really want to encourage you to talk to someone you trust, if it's a parent then go to a teacher.
I'm here if you want to talk.

you DID NOT bring this on to yourself... and you did NOT "let" this happen... the problem is HIM, not you...

you've been so strong the whole time i've known you - and i know you can get through this too...

it's now LESS than a year left... you used to tell yourself that even before when it only a little more than a year left. i know you can do this! once this time is up, you KNOW that you can go to uni and start the life you always wanted AND deserve...

it's total shit, but you KNOW that your tomorrow IS going to be better... hang on to that like you've always hung on to it!!!!

love you!!!

He is the one to blame. Its not your fault. I blame myself for alot and i am not the sicko. You will get past this. You shouldnt have to see him. No contact is probably best.

the thing is i could see him ..its not akward anymore and i dont hate him i forgave him its just realizing that i could of fought harder

hun, dont go there. dont assume you could have stopped him, thats just a roundabout way to take blame thats not yours. Most abusers are in postitions of trust over their victems, attacks by complete strangers are very rare. If you are not already in therapy, I would recommend it.

you are not along. this is something that you ddidnt ask for or want in your life. trsut yourself enough to heal and understand that this is not something you can change now.

however, you are in control of your life. you are so right when you say a stranger is easier to deal with than your brother...yes, mucheasier. but that doesnt change your reality. try to focus on ways to heal. you are at the rgith spot. dont worry, you are not alone.

hugs
tiffani

it was a cousin...thank you guys ...hugss

Well I actually think that both types of rapes have their pluses and minuses (if you choose to look at it like that)

With a stranger, yes it may only happen the once but you have a different type of fear. Imagine not being able to leave your door without the fear of bumping into this unknown assailant. Looking at every face wondering if it was them.

With someone you know..at least you know, can avoid them, if thats possible. But it has its own obvious pitfalls

I've survived both types and I can say that there really is no such thing as 'worse'.

I would add like everyone else..you didnt LET it happen. It happened because your cousin decided it would happen. Their ar emany complicated reasons and feelings behind sexual abuse on the victims part. You might love them, want their attention (and equate that now as wanting abuse - its not). You trust them and more often than not look up to them.

My therapist always trys to get me to compare myself to children of the age I was...would I expect them to fight my abuser off? Would I expect them to stand up to an abuser and te responsibilty for disclosing and stopping the abuse? In short my answer would be no..they are too young. You were too young. I hope you can begin to forgive yourself as much as you forgive him. Safe Hugs