Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Hi everyone, I've been away from DailyStrength for a couple months. It's good to be back; a lot has happened.
During the last few months, I have started remembering sexual abuse that happened to me when I was about 3 or 4. It started as just emerging memories, but now the memories have begun to emerge in occasional flashbacks.
My first, and so far worst, flashback occurred in the shower and left me crippled with fear and unable to think or move. This happened the week before Christmas. I contemplated suicide, but made no steps towards it. Somehow (by the grace of God!) I got out of the shower and went to bed, but my anxiety remained high for the next few days, until I finally hit a breaking point and had a full-blown anxiety attack. My aunt took me to the hospital and I was admitted into the behavioral health center. This 5-day hospital stay helped tremendously, just being able to rest and understand the source of my anxiety a little more. I was diagnosed there with PTSD, and met with a counselor and several doctors during my stay. I'm on meds which are helping somewhat. I do have some questions about my night meds,which I'll list at the end of this post.
I have been improving and living a little more normally since getting out of the hospital, but yesterday was not a good day. I was talking to my aunt and in the middle of our conversation, she without warning reached towards my face with a napkin. I freaked out and asked what she was doing-- and of course, she meant no harm, she was merely going to wipe something off my face. But she saw the fear in my eyes, and the tears welling up. I've never had a reaction quite like that. Also, last night, I began to hyperventilate for no apparent reason. Sometimes my chest will get tight if I'm anxious, but this was beyond that-- and it lasted for a couple of hours. Thankfully my mom and aunt were able to help me relax and get my meds for me (though my chest remained tight and breathing was difficult).
This morning, I woke up after having a really creepy, sexually charged dream. It just frustrated me and disgusted me that I would have a dream like that. I wanted to ask about the meds Trazodone (Desyrel) and Prazosin (Minipress)-- is it possible that these two meds are actually causing my nightmares?
Any thoughts, input on my experience, or prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
During the last few months, I have started remembering sexual abuse that happened to me when I was about 3 or 4. It started as just emerging memories, but now the memories have begun to emerge in occasional flashbacks.
My first, and so far worst, flashback occurred in the shower and left me crippled with fear and unable to think or move. This happened the week before Christmas. I contemplated suicide, but made no steps towards it. Somehow (by the grace of God!) I got out of the shower and went to bed, but my anxiety remained high for the next few days, until I finally hit a breaking point and had a full-blown anxiety attack. My aunt took me to the hospital and I was admitted into the behavioral health center. This 5-day hospital stay helped tremendously, just being able to rest and understand the source of my anxiety a little more. I was diagnosed there with PTSD, and met with a counselor and several doctors during my stay. I'm on meds which are helping somewhat. I do have some questions about my night meds,which I'll list at the end of this post.
I have been improving and living a little more normally since getting out of the hospital, but yesterday was not a good day. I was talking to my aunt and in the middle of our conversation, she without warning reached towards my face with a napkin. I freaked out and asked what she was doing-- and of course, she meant no harm, she was merely going to wipe something off my face. But she saw the fear in my eyes, and the tears welling up. I've never had a reaction quite like that. Also, last night, I began to hyperventilate for no apparent reason. Sometimes my chest will get tight if I'm anxious, but this was beyond that-- and it lasted for a couple of hours. Thankfully my mom and aunt were able to help me relax and get my meds for me (though my chest remained tight and breathing was difficult).
This morning, I woke up after having a really creepy, sexually charged dream. It just frustrated me and disgusted me that I would have a dream like that. I wanted to ask about the meds Trazodone (Desyrel) and Prazosin (Minipress)-- is it possible that these two meds are actually causing my nightmares?
Any thoughts, input on my experience, or prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I'm very glad you have support around you at this time, it will get better with time and therapy. Blessings and Prayers.
I get them now and then. They're repulsive, and they upset me, but I know they're part of my experience that I have to come to terms with before I can free myself of the power of their hold on me.
I've been getting other memories too...of sexual assaults in college dorms that I so repressed I had no memory of them. At the time I couldn't deal with them, I didn't understand what was happening, so I just pretended that they had never happened.
That doesn't work, I found out. I think we need to accept that these things DID happen and understand it all so we can leave it behind...or at least learn to live with it all.