I go threw stages where I feel this way. I actually felt like this for a long time and I was afraid to tell him. When I would let him have his way with me and I was just blah during the whole thing. It hurt him because he thought I was rejecting him. When I finally told him he made more efforts to help ease my fears and help me enjoy the sexual experience better. The feeling of not being able to say no got me into a lot of trouble. I understand.

I go through different stages with my sexuality too. Right now I'm not really interested in sex. My bf seems to understand. He's been reading a lot about sexual abuse. "Allies in Healing" by Laura Davis is really good and covers how conflicted survivors can feel about their sexuality.

I just do my best to honor my own feelings and communicate with my bf about what's going on.

When I was younger, I had a hard time saying no and felt I had to have sex with my boyfriends and husbands because it was expected.

I don't feel that way anymore. When I don't feel like it, I just let him know what's going on with me and that it's not about him. My main concern is my own well being. I've spent too much of my life pleasing others.

I understand, I'm not really interested in sex. The only times I have initiated sex is when I wanted babies. I can leave it and I say no a lot. When I do say yes, we're not intimate.

my husband told me I could not say no - and I believed him. I felt throughout my entire first marriage that I had no rights - including in bed. Then I hated him - and finally divorced him. So yes, I know what you are saying - but I sure do not know what to do about it. I also have a lot of shame about my body - I feel unattractive ALL of the time - maybe that has something to do with my wanting to stay away from intimacy.......

I understand. I have the same problem. I don't want to have sex, but I wish I wanted to. Sometimes when I bring myself to do it, I feel like I've been pressured to and it becomes a very scary or disgusting experience though my husband is a very gentle and sexy man. It makes me feel like a terrible wife, but my husband is understanding and does not get mad at me. He would rather not have sex a lot than to have it end in tears.

I am totally with you. I like sex sometimes, but i hate intimacy - even kissing. It has been a HUGE problem in my marriage - almost got divorced this spring. My husband takes it extremely personal & feels that if we aren't having sex on a regular basis, then why are we married - i STRONGLY disagree. I feel like i can't say no b/c if i do, i am terrified that he will get upset & we will end up in a fight (i am not good with any type of confrontation). I have been working on saying no & he has been working on backing off, but there are days i just want to kick him & scream to get off me. I feel that if he would approach things differently than i could begin to enjoy intimacy, but he is impatient & as a man - generally selfish, so we'll see how it goes. When things start to get to intimate, i panic & feel like it's wrong & disgusting. I am trying to work on it, but after feeling this way for so long, i don't know where to start.

I suffer this too, I can be agony, my husband tries to teach me it is all okay, an then I go into a regressed state and cry and fight, he knows what happened and encourages me...It is a constant war for me. most days I dread it, sometimes it is all I want? why am I so messed up?

I, too, can relate to what you are saying. I dread sex with my husband. I don't mind kissing, as long as we are no where near the bedroom and his hands stay firmly in a safe place. But the minute things looks like they might lead to sex, I start to get anxious.

I haven't always been this way. I was quite promiscuous in my 20s (I'm 43 now) and enjoyed it, even though it wasn't the healthiest sex a person could have. Even with my husband -- we enjoyed a more "normal" sex life before we were married. Now it is frustrating for both of us. For him, because I don't care if we never have sex again, and for me, because I want to want my husband that way. I want to share that kind of love and intimacy with my husband, but I don't seem able to.

Oddly enough, if I force myself to let things progress, I can get past the fear and anxiety. I find sex with my husband relatively enjoyable. But it's getting beyond that initial panic.