When I first came on here I was 17, I was such a mess. Many family members sexually abused me, as a child and teenager, amongst other things, I dealt with it so bad and o'd, cut, try to end my life unsuccessfully, eating disorder! I came on here and slowly got the help I needed I got counselling, met the love of my life had kids slowly got better we broke up, but I was slowly getting better

i was so much better i stopped doing things to deal with it and started to accept what happened! Thought it wouldn't happen again, I'm a adult I can prevent it! No it happened again! 

Im so lost I don't know what to do I feel like that 17 year old again and started cutting again and I just met someone and everytime we get close I freak out! 

I sont know how to deal with this again, when It happened I told my ex and he told my best friend(I didn't ask him to) who told my mum. I'm glad he did now, though I thought because he lives far away(abuser) and because I told id be fine, but I'm a mess. I hardly sleep, I cut again, I have panic attacks and spend most of my night listening to music to block the voices and the memories of that night, I'm just so messed up again, I'm scared and lost