Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
My abusers were adult males who were very close friends or family before the abuse started. I don't remember how it started, but i do remember it was not violent, they were very passionate and secretive and made it almost like a game. I dealt with guilt for a LONG time because I did not tell and i didn't try to get away. it was explained to me that they used their power over me to persuade me that it was ok, but a secret and don't it feel good.. I'm not hurting you... things like that.
It was never violent. my first memory of being abused was when I was around 2 or 3 (grandfather) and it stopped when I was 11 (neighbor - close family friend.. daughter was my best friend). in between them was a cousin who was 9 years older than me. My grandfather stopped abusing me when i was 8 because it came out about the cousin(the way this happend is i told a female family friend i had a secret she said she has one too, if i tell mine she'll tell hers. i said ricky tries to make baby's with me) well it was a big blow up. ended with my grandfather standing in front of ricky with a gun pointed at my dad. The next time grandpa got me alone he told me if I ever told what he did he would kill my dad (his son), but he never touched me again. So I never told until recently.. dad & grandpa were already dead. (I am 36 now) The last one started when I was 10 and lasted about a year maybe. That one was discovered when his daughter read my diary. Another huge blowup!! My dad went across the street and got this man and had me face him and wanted me to tell him what i said happened. of course i was hysterical. i asked daddy "are u gonna hit him" he said "I might" so i said I lied. I cared for this man. he taught me to drive and how to make an omelet and paid attention to me, when my parents were too busy. Anyways, dad apologized to him and he went home. I was sent to my room. My mother came in and said she believed me that it really happened but said "Why would you spread your legs for that man." that one still gets my goat to this day. And to this day she denies saying it.
It was never violent. my first memory of being abused was when I was around 2 or 3 (grandfather) and it stopped when I was 11 (neighbor - close family friend.. daughter was my best friend). in between them was a cousin who was 9 years older than me. My grandfather stopped abusing me when i was 8 because it came out about the cousin(the way this happend is i told a female family friend i had a secret she said she has one too, if i tell mine she'll tell hers. i said ricky tries to make baby's with me) well it was a big blow up. ended with my grandfather standing in front of ricky with a gun pointed at my dad. The next time grandpa got me alone he told me if I ever told what he did he would kill my dad (his son), but he never touched me again. So I never told until recently.. dad & grandpa were already dead. (I am 36 now) The last one started when I was 10 and lasted about a year maybe. That one was discovered when his daughter read my diary. Another huge blowup!! My dad went across the street and got this man and had me face him and wanted me to tell him what i said happened. of course i was hysterical. i asked daddy "are u gonna hit him" he said "I might" so i said I lied. I cared for this man. he taught me to drive and how to make an omelet and paid attention to me, when my parents were too busy. Anyways, dad apologized to him and he went home. I was sent to my room. My mother came in and said she believed me that it really happened but said "Why would you spread your legs for that man." that one still gets my goat to this day. And to this day she denies saying it.
I still love my daddy even though he used me. I know what he did to me was wrong but I also knew that my mother did not like me. He loved me and told me that all the time. I was his princess.
I was raped by a girl when I was 12. She tied me up and I couldn't get away. I didn't understand what was happening at the time but I enjoyed the feeling immensely. I have been able to forgive myself and her for that.
So, I understand why you had/have those feelings for your abuser. If they are the only person in your life to show you any kindness, you as a child have no reason not to love them.
it's not your fault. it's time to really take a good look at that.
xox
We were created to be sexual beings. Sex is a good thing in the right context. Our bodies are created to respond. We can't help that. Don't feel any guilt over what you felt as feelings just are. They are not right nor wrong
~nobody~
I'm not sure why you would ask as a topic "did anyone enjoy it?" I'm sure you have your reasons but I cannot fathom how any abuse victim would enjoy being sexually violated sorry.
I do hope what I posted will let someone else know they are not alone. For the longest time I thought I was alone.. that's a scary and shameful feeling. And for those of you who just cannot fathom enjoying "abuse".. well i just got to say.. God made some of us sexual beings. It is not my fault that some sick men awakened my sexuality at such a young age to rob me of innocence and memory and sense of self worth. I have been dealing with this and getting past it for about 9 years now, but no matter how much i put bandaids over the wounds, it doesn't erase what they did and it doesn't make it my fault.
take care x