Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
When I was in my early teens AOL was this big thing. Everyone had a profile. Everyone entered chat rooms. Everyone gave out their number..right? I thought so. I didn't see anything wrong with giving out my number to talk to random guys. Some a year or two older. Looking back now I see how dumb that was. More so here recently. I've been having these flash backs of meeting this one guy. Just little pieces though. That night I talked my friend into going with me to this guy because I didn't want to be alone with him. We picked him up and he rode in the back seat with me, making out, while my friend drove. She wasn't paying attention and ran a stop sign so we got pulled over. The cop made her go with him because she didn't have license and was a minor. I was only 16, I was minor too. But he left me and this guy go. And that is the last definitive thing I am sure about. The rest of that night and next day is gone. Besides the little pieces that have found their way back. I remember he brought something with him to drink, like a Pepsi or Dr. Pepper. I remember drinking out of it. The next thing I remember is waking up naked on his bed and seeing him sitting at a computer desk. I don't want to cause any triggers (at least that's what some of these posts are saying, I'm new to this) so I won't go into detail, the little of it I have. I've had a ton of mental health issues throughout my teens to now. I'm currently taking Lithium and Venlafaxine to keep me stable. My question is I guess, is why aren't I more impacted. Television and firsthand accounts of rape leads me to believe that I should be an emotional wreak. So why aren't I? The only person I've told is my Fiance. I'm afraid no one will believe me. Not to mention it would go something like this. I was raped....by who....um I don't know....When...back when I was 16 and snuck out.....well what does he look like....i don't know....well what was his screen name...don't know that either...well what all happened to you....um ya i dont know that either.
It doesn't sound very believable to me. I still have a hard time believing it sometimes. I'm just so lost about the whole thing right now. I'm only sure of two things, Number 1. I was drugged and Number 2. I was raped.
The mind has a way of protecting us and that is to block out extreme trauma. If you were drugged that could be the reason you don't remember or it could be that you have blocked out the trauma. Not being an emotional wreck is not a good measure of anything. Many people who don't remember, myself included, were not emotional wrecks. In fact, its is because we blocked it all out that we were able to live our lives and not become emotional wrecks. Then there is the other factor of not being emotionally attached to the memory just yet. For most, when memories return, they return as an image to us with no emotions attached to it. Once you start really working on your healing the feelings return. The fact that you need Lithium and Venlafaxine to keep you stable shows that you were deeply affected by this trauma so you may have blocked it out.
My advice for you would be to find a therapist who specializes in sexual assault/rape/trauma. You can heal from what happened and you deserve to heal. You deserve to live a happy life without the help of meds.