First off I would let your therapist know that there is a part of your story that you want to share with her/him but you're really scared that if you do it (the cutting) well then she will drop you as a client. perhaps she can allay your fears without you actually having to tell her immediately. i know its difficult hun but this is a vital part of the way you cope and as its not a good coping strategy it needs to be dealt with. I know the reason we self harm (mainly cut) is because we feel like physical pain is easier to deal with than emotional pain. As you have eluded to you have been able to drop the coping strategies of the ED and cutting in the past so you will be able to do it again. There is a self injury board on DS which Im also a part of if you want some good suggestions on how to deal with the problem.

Telling her you cut shouldn't make her want to drop you? why would you think that? There's no reason for her to. And that would be wrong of her to do so. What? Are you supposed to act and behave like you think she wants you to? She's getting paid to help you. You can be honest with her about anything. Cutting isn't the same as trying to kill yourself. I agree with tyzz about the reasons for cutting. It may be different for different people. But for me, it was an expression of the pain I was going through. a way of coping with the overbearing emotional pain. It's something that needs and should be addressed with your councelor. Don't be afraid to be honest. She's there to help. hugs

Thanks for the advise.That's very helpful & tyzz27 I think that's a good idea to tell her I want to share but afraid she will drop me & get a feel of what she will do. Thanks for the encouragement

Im sure she will still help you. Cutting is a VERY common symptom of sexual abuse. In fact, most people who cut have been sexually abused. She will completely understand you. Don't worry! I cut too and my therapist knows. It will be okay! :)

If she is a good therapist, she wont drop you. I was terrified of the same thing. that if i told my therapist that my ED was getting really bad and i was cutting, that she would drop me as a client and say she cant work with me anymore. it was the complete opposite. That just made her want to help me more. I can tell she really cares about me. You will never know unless you take that step and tell him/her. they should be understanding and willing to help you. As hard as it may be, they cannot help you unless you are completely honest.

I hope you find what you need to heal. I truly believe your post here and the sound advice from these other members are a promising step in your What to do about this moment. P.S thanks tyzz27 didn't realize there was a self injury board, thats great info. I agree completely with rainyange and jaydensma!! I'm learning trust and honesty are very difficult and painful, but help so much more in the short and long run(from what I hear) than the alternate of avoidance. I was so afraid to tell my therapist my past, then I watched Lion King again, out of the blue this message popped out and caught my attention. I learned that even though the past is in the past it can still hurt (sometimes A LOT) I can learn from it, Trust and honesty go hand in hand with learning and healing in my opinion. Everyone i hear says a good therapist would not drop you. Ask yourself, is she is a good therapist? You have said "she's the only one I can talk to" Ask, if you can talk with her, as you state, what would make her a bad therapist then. If your statement is true to you, and after you answer those questions you can decide whether or not to call and set an appointment to talk with her about how you feel leading up to and during those moments. I totally agree with tyzz27 and hope you can see the true emotional reason for an outward release of pain. At 16 my release came out on my left arm, NEVER in an attempt or hope of doing anything other than to feel physically what I felt deep inside so I transcribed it through very shallow cutting. The same happened once again nearly a decade later. It has helped me to know that I could say out loud those emotions and feelings that did cause me to cut then and would have caused me to cut recently if it had not been for opening up and speaking out. I still have much to learn, I'm healing and it's a process! Sorry this got so long. Good Luck suzieann

Wow, I just learned something. I didn't know self injury was linked with sexual abuse. I have struggled with this too.