Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
In the very recent past, I got an answer to a long-mysterious relationship with one of my parents, from a new therapist. I'm in my mid-20s, and I've been in therapy for several years. But it wasn't until my new therapist I finally began to understand this. I feel gross telling my story. I feel like I shouldn't, but I do. My mom looks at me all the time when I come in the same room at her. It is as if, when I enter, her attention revolves around my presence. She feels uncomfortable (very visibly, extremely). On a regular basis, she looks at me admiringly and says things like I am the most beautiful thing she has ever seen, I really look cute in those jeans, etc. She also gave me messages that I'm sexually alluring to my brothers (I'm the only girl) which on one level I really knew to be untrue because I was close to them, but on another level I felt paranoid and uncomfortable. My new therapist said this is called covert sexual abuse, and there's all kinds of things that go along with it. Feeling watched stays with you for a long time. Dissociation from your body (feeling disconnected from your body) which has been profound for me, to an immobilizing degree oftentimes. My mom is also severely emotionally abusive and has been borderline severely physically abusive (threatening). I managed to get away for a year and a half and ended up back home now due to really extenuating circumstances. Obviously I'm doing all I can to get away. But meanwhile I'm trying to work through this, as long as I have to stay here (it stays with me anyway). There's so much unbearable shame, I feel like I want to jump out of my own body--when that gets triggered, I get really outgoing, boundary-crossing, and do weird embarrassing physical stuff that I barely notice because I'm so dissociated from my body (like rub my hair or yawn loudly or get fidgety, stretching a lot). Which makes the shame unbearable, because then you're actually embarrassed. I have so much rage that I cannot express, because it's not safe to. How fucking dare she.
I understand the dissociating factor. Sometimes when I dissociate, or am extremely uncomfortable, I do odd things with my mouth and hands. Sometimes I keep my wrists severely bent all the time, or I'll be constantly sticking out my lower lip. I also have the shakes which people always point out. I never shook until my abuse. I'm a sexual slavery survivor and my hands have been constantly shaking since I escaped 12 years ago.
Anyway, I hope this helps. You are definitely not alone, and this is a great place to talk, share and open up. If you ever want to talk, I'm here.
i mean they possibly give the impression, that somehow nobody ever knew what happened to me at times. they neglect to say there was 2 or more at the house on an off on basis and about 6 were i was found.
all of the same group of people, so there were about 8 who knew
and 2 or 3 or more before i was missing. some used to do that to me
how beautiful i was everything revolves around you in that clammy way
one used to say i was a partner when i was about 11-12, i never understood why ? there were 3 who knew how i was missing
6 who saw it without them being there. and no one ever admits it do they ?