hello I am 22 years old and on new years eve my cousins boyfriend raped me. He said he would take care of my cousin and I. I believed him. That night I spent $400 on alcohol/water etc (something I never do, I splurged because I was with my cousin for first time in a few years and it was new years!!!) we went to a bar where we got scammed by an event (got money back next day) and so we ended up at a strip club where the bottled water was $9 and she gave us 8 of them ($100 on water almost like REALLY). Anyway this is where I blacked out. I woke up in my cousins living room on air mattress with my clothes off my “period started” and my foot hurting and so i called my boyfriend who said the night before we had phone sex and i touched myself and i got really loud at 5 am and is likely why all my clothes were off. We talked for 3 hours in the morning. as I woke up room spinning still drunk and tried to make noodles on the phone and had to sit in a chair because couldnt stand straight. I took a bath and found a piece of glass shoved in middle of my foot. Finally my cousin woke up and told me we went to her friends house where she offered me water and i batted to the ground then ran out onto the street and they found me crying on a bench. Then said she took me home. In march my cousin told me her now ex boyfriend told her him and i had sex in an argument. I messaged him and he said he asked “want to go upstairs” and i said “no here” then he stated he “palmed my ass while i was on the phone with my boyfriend”. The shock that not only did he rape me while i was black out drunk, with his girlfriend in next room, while i was on phone with my boyfriend.... i felt gross. I felt disrespected. I felt so many emotions and confused. My boyfriend knew the second my cousin messaged me and he felt his own emotions since he was on the ohone at the time. Everything is so confusing and I dont know how to take this and he claims i 100% consented and enjoyed it but i just feel sick and abused and its been 3 days and i still have a headache. How do i and my boyfriend move forward and start to forget balecause it just keeps replaying in our minds.