As hard as it is to put yourself out there after such trauma I think its important to find a group of people who will give you support and encouragement so you can feel comfortable making decisions for yourself. This might also entail seeking a therapist who you can run ideas past and get their input on when a decision needs to be made. Hopefully this therapist will know you welll and will know how to look out for your best interests. Its great that you have a supporting bf but i thinks its also important you have friends youw own gender because there are some things that girls/boys talk about between themselves. Perhaps see if you can join a youth group or something similar or a mental illness support group, A group like this will have similar interests to you and will have common experiences so will be able to provide advice on common decisions you are having to face. Like I said it is a risk you have to take and something that is probably going to make you feel uncomfortable to begin with but it is worth taking especially when you find someone or a group of people who you can call true friends. Its great having friends online who can support you and we will always be here to give you encouragement but theres something special having that face to face contact.

You may feel as if you have been controlled because you were. When I finally freed myself the first thing I learned was that I had no idea what to do next. I had always been forced to dance to the music others wanted me to dance to, I had never figured out what kind of music I loved. I did know that living just to please others was not something I wanted to do.

I didn't know what my true values were...I knew what values my parents taught me, and what my wife wanted, but I had no idea what I valued. I needed to first become committed to a set of values in which I agreed.

I was asked by a shrink once day if I had any hero's? I really didn't. None that I could think of at least. Certainly not my parents. Maybe a teacher or two but I really didn't know them.

I finally figured out my values, who were the kind of people I really wanted to be, and I could set some goals in which I believed..not goals set by some outside influence in which I had little desire to reach.

It took me years. You seem to have started along your road of happy destiny. I have loved my trip along mine.

Hi tyzz27 thanx for the good advise i will defo think about some of the things you av suggested. I do av alot a lady friends so i will speak to them thanx :) x

Hi crusty thanx for our reply i feel the same way i feel like i dont know who i am sometimes, but im sure i will get there soon. :)

Thanks for sharing. I can certainly appreciate the feeling of being controlled, and the desire to totally reject or resist it. I'm guessing that's normal. What might be unique to you - and those of us who've been in compromising positions - is that we probably have a heightened sense of when we're *being* controlled. (and here I'm using control as any time you feel you're being manipulated, coerced, forced, etc.... either physically or emotionally).

I have issues with emotional control, those are pretty mundane in their cause (e.g. mommy issues, etc.). But I know I have definite issues with physical control too. Never really pieced it together until recently, but after the age of 9-10, I never ever let any one dominate me physical. I fought a lot and would rather fight and get the crap beat out of me than just submit. That, obviously, is a direct descendant of my experience at 9 when I didn't do anything and... well, that's that.

So, advice?? Try to zero in on what types of control you feel. What situations bring that up? There are obviously different triggers, and different reasons for one *not* liking control. You may find it's something you can work through relatively easily. And, trust in yourself that won't let yourself be controlled... but that you can also let people into your world w/o being controlled. Trust that you can take care of yourself.

hi thanx for adive and i will take it into consideration x

I understand that feeling, then I went to the opposite feeling. Having,Needing to be in control of everything at all times or I would feel like I had zero.

But as time passes, I am learning that sometimes complete control is not necessary:)

Thanx bitt hope u ok x