Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
As a child, I was molested by my dad. It started at the age of 4 and would continue until I was about 14 when I found my voice and finally said No.
Over the years, as I thought about it, I decided it wasn't really so bad since there was only touching involved. I moved on and forgave him because I could no longer live my life with that burden on my shoulder. I also thought that others go through much worse so it wasn't such a big deal.
I recently found out that this man, now 82, also molested my two daughters. As a mom, I feel like a complete failure. Years ago, they tried to tell me that he tried kissing them, but I blew it off thinking that they were overreacting when he greeted them. One of my daughters, as she got older, started having issues, which I thought were due to bullying in school. She started cutting herself, had no interest in school, no self esteem, confidence, etc. I should have seen the signs.
She wound up in a psych unit for a week because she could not handle this secret any longer. At that time, she told me about the abuse. This beautiful young woman, 18, who had her future in front of her, is now devastated. While she is happy that the secret is finally out and both her dad and I are behind her 100%, she is not the same. She is currently on three different kinds of meds and I am so afraid for her.
Her issue is that she wants my dad to take responsibility for his actions. I told my sisters about the abuse and they turned their backs on us. Finally, when I mentioned I was going to press charges, my dad finally admitted it. My sisters and I went over to see him and my mom and he was crying, shaking, saying, I'm sorry. It was only 3 times (which was a lie) and wanted to turn himself in to the police. The next day, he took it back and my sisters, nieces, nephews, mom, are all standing behind him, calling us liars. Even my mom, who admitted to me that he told her that he abused me, is standing behind him.
Given the fact that he's 82 years old and my mom is totally dependent on her, what should we do? My daughter does not think this is fair and wants him to pay for what he did to her. I am so confused and conflicted right now.
Over the years, as I thought about it, I decided it wasn't really so bad since there was only touching involved. I moved on and forgave him because I could no longer live my life with that burden on my shoulder. I also thought that others go through much worse so it wasn't such a big deal.
I recently found out that this man, now 82, also molested my two daughters. As a mom, I feel like a complete failure. Years ago, they tried to tell me that he tried kissing them, but I blew it off thinking that they were overreacting when he greeted them. One of my daughters, as she got older, started having issues, which I thought were due to bullying in school. She started cutting herself, had no interest in school, no self esteem, confidence, etc. I should have seen the signs.
She wound up in a psych unit for a week because she could not handle this secret any longer. At that time, she told me about the abuse. This beautiful young woman, 18, who had her future in front of her, is now devastated. While she is happy that the secret is finally out and both her dad and I are behind her 100%, she is not the same. She is currently on three different kinds of meds and I am so afraid for her.
Her issue is that she wants my dad to take responsibility for his actions. I told my sisters about the abuse and they turned their backs on us. Finally, when I mentioned I was going to press charges, my dad finally admitted it. My sisters and I went over to see him and my mom and he was crying, shaking, saying, I'm sorry. It was only 3 times (which was a lie) and wanted to turn himself in to the police. The next day, he took it back and my sisters, nieces, nephews, mom, are all standing behind him, calling us liars. Even my mom, who admitted to me that he told her that he abused me, is standing behind him.
Given the fact that he's 82 years old and my mom is totally dependent on her, what should we do? My daughter does not think this is fair and wants him to pay for what he did to her. I am so confused and conflicted right now.
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
It is so hard when family chooses to punish us rather than accept the rupture in their world that admitting the truth represents. Remember that YOU didn't cause all this turmoil, your father did. It's easy and convenient to blame you, but you know who the real source of all this anguish is - your father.
When I read that he cried and apologized I felt nothing but cynicism. And then I read on and sure enough, the selfish old man recanted.
Here's my opinion: your mother and father are at the end of their lives. Your daughter is at the beginning. You should do whatever SHE needs you to do to let her know that she is believed and that she is valuable and precious beyond all the rest of those people put together. Your father has zero claim on your mercy. Your mother is no better than an accessory to the crime. Choose your daughter. Put her first.
Because I wasn't protected, I tried to protect them. Trust is something that I do not have. But how do you get justice for what happened? One of my daughters is really angry that he did this to her and wants justice. How do you obtain justice when it's a he said/she said situation? I am so angry it is eating me up inside because both of my girls are becoming victims again because their family turned their backs on them.
I have contacted the police and am wondering whether it is worth it to press charges. My daughter wants this to happen but given his age, I think the jury will sympathize with him. What do you do?