Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Hi, I've had something on my mind and couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone in my life, so I thought I'd try the whole "anonymous" thing. During this last month I've had a memory resurface from my childhood. I was about 8 or 9 and the boy was around my age, maybe a bit older. I remember vivid sexual acts and i just don't know if it was sexual abuse because I can't remember how I felt then, and it's eating away at me. Thinking of it now I get really bad anxiety and feel sick to my stomach and I have every single sign of sexual abuse. I can't even remember anything from around 5-11years old. Is it possible to have been abused by another child? Can it leave the same effects as abuse from an adult? This memory is causing a lot of confusion and feeling of lost and anxiousness in my every day life and I just need some answers, advice, or help that anyone can spare. Thanks :)
Perhaps when you start to feel really anxious, try to do some deep breathing exercises and perhaps start up a journal to help ease your anxious thoughts. Writing down all your confusion, things you'd like to say to that other person etc... it can be very therapeutic to at least get it out of your head and onto paper to "let it out" so to speak.
My sisters and I endured sexual abuse at the hands of our dad, there are many years of forgotten memories. I think we block out things that hurt and cause pain. I've found great healing in forgiving him, not for him, but because I needed to do it for me to become well again and move on in life. As well, when ugly thoughts, anger, bitterness, rage well up, actively praying over those things and handing them over to the good Lord to handle on my behalf as I cannot do it alone. It's been a journey for sure, but one that brought healing, forgiveness and functionality. I pray for your journey that it brings you peace and the answers you are looking for.
The thing is, children don't understand what's happening, and to make matters worse, the fact that it often feels good makes the person feel guilty, ashamed, and that it was their fault. It was NOT your fault, and the boy who did that to you is the offender.
It does cause so much confusion because sexual feelings aren't meant to be awakened at such a young age, and it impacts a very deep, personal, vulnerable part of who we are as human beings. Our sexuality is something meant to be shared within a relationship of mutual deep trust, love, and willingly giving one's body as a gift to another. When it's taken from you, especially as an innocent child, it leaves a lasting impact.
What you're experiencing now is the consequence of this event, almost like a type of PTSD. I highly encourage you to address it and not try to bury it, as it will come up in all kinds of unhealthy ways. I tried to do that for years and ended up bringing a lot MORE pain into my own life via drugs, alcohol abuse, self-harm, rage & hatred, unforgiveness, promiscuity, you name it. I complicated my own problems by trying to deaden the pain. It never works.
Facing the pain and dealing with it through counseling, group therapy, whatever---although hard---will ultimately bring you to a place of healing and hope and ability to relate in a healthy way to others. My faith combined with a group therapy program at my church for victims of sexual abuse (working through a book called The Door of Hope) are what finally set me free. I am healed and no longer controlled by what happened. I like to think of it as moving from victim, to survivor, to overcomer! There will always be a scar, but I can deal with that...it's the open wound that I couldn't handle.
A huge part of the healing is forgiveness, which is very misunderstood in our society. Forgiveness is NOT: letting the offender off the hook, or pretending it never happened, or a requirement to continue to relate to the offender, or something you need to do in person, or something you even need to tell the offender. It's a gift you give yourself so that YOU can be free from the anger, bitterness, self-loathing, pain, and ongoing after-effects. For me, I had nightly gruesome nightmares, and on the day I forgave my father (with God's help), the nightmares ceased.
I want to end by saying you are a precious person, not "damaged goods" as you might think, with intrinsic value and the opportunity to be healed from this. It doesn't have to control the rest of your life. Don't let the "thing" that happened in the past determine your worth or continue to steal from you a future of hope, happiness, and health. Blessings to you, dear one.