As you may or may not know I was sexually abused as a child and teenager. this mean Christmas was always fraught with mix emotions and could never really be enjoyed. This feeling of not belonging has haunted me through adulthood, until early this year I put an end to physical contact with my family. I only use the phone now which gives me full control, I control the conversation and bring it to an end when I am ready.  This new way of dealing with family has given me new freedoms, the Christmas "Duty" trip to see the family no longer will take place. I will no longer spend days and sometimes weeks trying to pull myself back together. It feels good, it feels very good.