is there anyone else awake?

Hey there,

I agree 100% it is so difficult bringing up this type of stuff knowing full well that its 99% that your friend will support you. However, imho a part of your subconcience is still mturning around and saying "noone has ever believed me so why would he".

Perhaps sitting down and writing a letter about what you would say might help. Then you could go to him, dont think it would be possible to do in the phone and read it out to him. In the letter say what you want from him. Even if its just to say "mate, Ild just like you to tell me that you believe me" As a friend its sometimes difficult to know what my friend has wanted from me when they have told me something like this, so if its a good friend hell understand that what you are asking is what is required.

Its damn hard this journey and even harder to find good supports. Im here everyday though any time you need to chat. I live in Melbourne Australia though and the time is currently 8 pm saturday night. So I dont know where you live.

take care and dont be too critical of yourself

you live in Australia tyzz27? well i am on the other side of the world in the USA. Thanks for the comment. I know i said that i was trying to call my friend, but i dont really want to tell him everything on the phone. I did not make myself very clear. It was very late and i was not in a good state of mind. My friend lives about 60 miles from me, so i wanted to call to set up a time to "discuss some things" in person. Of course just saying that would commet me to going through with the whole thing. I really thought that i was ready to do this. I did not realize that it would be this hard. My wife says that i should slow down and do this when i am ready, but i really feel in my heart that this is one of those barriers that will never go away unless i "smash" it. Ive been stirring the idea of what to say and how to say it in my head. Its just a matter of picking up the phone, dialing those numbers and talking to my good friend. Simple right? My stomach is still in a knot.
Well ive gotta go to work. be back tonight.

Hi,
It took me many years to muster up the courage to tell my family the full extent of my abuse. I actually thought they would disown me but keeping it secret from them became too much. I finally did it and luckily I had their support.
I would love to say that your friend will be fully supportive. A good friend would be.
I think just break it in slowly. tell him you have something to tell him that is hard for you to say. tell him you suffered trauma in your childhood and then elaborate from there.
I really hope he reacts in the way you'd like him to. I think a friend is likely to be more supportive than family because if a family member abused you that can be hard for a family member to hear and they could be in denial and cant face up to the truth.
You obviously need to get this off your chest. Its the kind of thing you just have to do, there is no easy way. Be prepared for any questions he may have. Initially he may be in shock and ask those silly questions that some ppl do because for someone who hasnt been abused it is a hard thing to understand.
I wish you all the best with this.
I actually did it over the phone because this was less confrontational for me but do it however you feel is comfortable for you.

What do your friend is gonna do? Change his phone number? He's your friend for over a decade! I'm sure it's harder on males, but us females do go thru this shame and guilt trip. It's like we are the martyrs to our pervs. We will take THEIR shame , THEIR guilt, and just suck it and make it our own. Some carry around like a knapsack full of rocks for years, forever.... And their just rocks, too heavy a burden to carry around with no purpose. Just tell em you've been working on some issues and tell him short and sweet. And if ya need to to, follow it up by saying, "So, did ya watch the game?" I was just kidding there. I'm 9 years older than you and have had to deal with issues dealing with daddy-o diddling and mommy-0 not caring. And so I sucked it up like the martyr I was and let it be MY problem. It nearly killed me inside and I actually considered "kicking my own bucket". Now, that's taking matters just a tad too far. That little episode left me thinking "Wait a minute!".....Your wife is right, ya know. Take your time if you need to. It's not like you ran over your friend's dog and gotta fess up. It's just a part of your past you're sharing. And the past isn't like you were a mafia mob leader or serial killer. It's just a matter of fact statement. If it makes you feel better, when you see him after, give em a punch in the arm! You are really a hero to those males out there who have kept it their dirty little secret, which it's not, don't you know that? Being on here, other men and boys can say,"Hey, it happen to me to!"

Truth be told, I've acknowledged my abuse by joining this anonymous circle of friends. I mentioned it in an email to my sister . . . who told me I was delusional. I mentioned it in a tearful breakdown with Therapist 1 when I went to sign a release for Therapist 2 . . . which I have yet to discuss it with . . . I'd be very curious to find out how this goes for you. Hang in there. Hugs of Support.

On my home from work the friend that i wanted to call, called me. He is los Angeles until Monday working on a show. My friend and i work in video production, so it is very common for us to be anywhere in the US on any given day. I had wanted to talk to him about this in person. So i guess i'll wait until Monday. Only it does not feel like a relief that i am giving myself more time. I am doing everything that i can to keep it "together" right now. I've got to go downstairs and be a father to my son, and a husband to my wife. Dont get me wrong, i love them very much. My son has no idea about whats going on, and somtimes it is very hard to wear that mask that says everything is great when you feel like throwing up.
When i talk to my friend i'll let yall know how it went.

Tazgore, Just remember there is nothing wrong with you. It doesnt matter who we tell or how many we tell it is still difficult. Some 'experts' say that the more we tell people the easier it becomes. Well in my experience thats a load of crap. And yes it is hard trying to keep everthing together when we have other commitments but I just think that reminds me that I need to make sure I put aside time for myself rather than just doing everything possible to keep others happy and not look after ourselves. Perhaps while your friend is out of town you can take the time to write up a few pointers. Yes while it is hugely difficult I think part of the journey is telling someone we have known for a long time what happened to us and hopefully they validate our experience. For me I think its important because in some ways this mimicks the situation we should have had with our parents when we told them and looked to them for validation but did not get it. Keeping you in my thoughts