yes, I have some of those same qualities and I do understand. I still have trouble talking about things. I am working on that trust issue with the therapist, but it takes time and I keep having to change Docs.

The first time my therapist mentioned the words, "rape," "incest," and "molested", I felt rather freaked out. I knew the words, but never used them in association with what happened to me. I guess I really didn't want to admit it, because of the shame, blame and guilt attached to those words. Now, 10 years or so after those words were used for the first time in association with my life, I still hesitate to say the words out loud, pause before I do say them. The stigma and blame that we feel are attached to these words make them some of the most difficult words to say when they have happened to you in your life. The same thing in a sense when it comes down to calling the person who abused you a perpetrator, or, in some cases, a pedophile. It does become easyER, but I don't ever think any of us will ever be able to say those words without some sort of reaction to them, no matter how small. Those words have real MEANING for us. They are not merely words, but they are attached to memories and experiences that are tough for us to deal with. Keep working at it, practice saying those words to a pillow or, very hard, a mirror when you are by yourself. Eventually you will be able to say them out loud. I remember the first time I was actually able to speak out loud the sentence, "I was raped." I shook like a leaf after saying it, and I was by myself at the time! Tell me those words aren't just about the hardest you can ever push out of your mouth! So, it isn't only about trusting who you speak the words to, it is about SAYING them out loud at all! I can SO relate to this!! You are NOT alone!

You are not alone. I also have trouble verbalizing. I have the words running through my head but I open my mouth and nothing comes out. When I finally manage to say a few things, I choke on the words. It feels as if there is a physical barrier to me speaking. The harder I try, the more my thoughts lack cohesion. After a while, I'm just sitting there dumbfounded. Sound familiar? I found that they only way I could get around it was to write what I wanted to talk about and email to my counselor. When I got there, they already knew so I would choke out what I had to say. It was difficult. There were times I just sat there for five or ten minutes struggling to speak and not saying anything. However, eventually I did. After the first time, it was easier. I still struggle but I know I CAN do it. You can also. I wish you the very best....

I think this happens to many of us. In my case, English is not my first language, and in Spanish we don't really have a word for just molestation, we have words for sexual abuse and rape and "inappropriate touching" but I find myself unable to talk about what happened to me in my own language, when it has come to subject I say my cousins "did things" to me. You're not alone and yes, you're getting better. *hugs*

Yes! i totally understand, u was sexually abused when i was 9-12 and i cnat go into deep details with my therapist. when i say i wanna talk to her about it, its like my brain is blocked and idk how to make words come out

What you're describing is so very familiar to me. I sit there with thoughts racing through my head, but hardly any come out. Sometimes the words just get stuck and sometimes my thoughts go through such an intense filtering process that there is just nothing left.

I've been seeing the same therapist for over 5 years and still I have a hard time talking. I guess some of that is shame and some is that I've been raised to be silent and to generally hold the belief that people really aren't interested in what I have to say and that even when they ask they're just being polite. I'm trying to let go of that belief, but it is hard.

Yes, I've had this happen, definitely. At first I would freeze up and wouldn't be able to say anything. I felt exactly how you did, you articulated it really well, like my throat was blocked. You may want to talk about it, the words are there, but you can't bring yourself to say them. Be patient with yourself, the words will come. I still have barely talked about it.

I can definately relate and to this day, some 40 or so years later, I still have a hard time saying what happened to me. I was abused by my step-dad and never told my brothers & sister (their real father) the details and still hide it from them to this day. A long time ago, and after several cocktails, I told one brother that "dad did some awful things to me" and he said: "well, I thought something like that was going on"..and that was all he said. At that point, I ran from the room & cried to myself. I think this site has opened a can of worms for me.......you are not alone.

you are not alone i have this happen top me i cant say those words either i even have a hard time typing them. I detour saying them yo my T. She is facilitating the words for me saying the people who a...you and all those words so i get used to hearing it to make it seem more real. I also have Selective Mutism so i dont talk much anyways. I start EMDR at the end of the month i started counselling about 6 months ago and still cant say it and she just found out about it in Jan. Im SLOWLY getting to the point where she kinda knows what went on but not very much about it. i have a hard time saying that they are a ped or a prepetrator because it just doesnt hit me that way yet. soon maybe i can classifie them as that to take off the blame and shame off of me but i donno i have a VERY HARD time talking about it your not alone, we are never alone on things.

Thank you for all of your comments. I appreciate your support, understanding and sharing. Thank you.

yes. i do they same thing i dont know why but i do. it just kind of brings back memories by saying it. don't worry though im sure well get over it itll probably take a while but in time it will get better.