I think about my life and I know that the abuse affected it in a negative way. Growing up I always thought there was something different about me, but I couldn't figure it out. I was painfully shy, would cry sometimes when put on the spot and was really awkward around my peers. It's like I was so self conscious that they knew I was damaged, even though I didn't even know. It was a really confusing time. It's not in your mind and you are not imagining the effects of abuse. Just don't obsess over it and I think counseling is always a good outlet. After coming on this site I have even began researching PTSD and its manifestations. You are not alone.

i am the same exact way. my parents treated it like the elephant in the room and sometimes denied it even happened. i felt like i was going insane with my feelings and blurry memories of child psychiatrists.

it's really healthy to question yourself, or to feel like it isn't real, especially since we repress bad memories and they show up in the mind as very intangible and hard to understand. none of my memories are vivid and crystal clear. but i do know something happened.

when i looked up PTSD i realised i exhibited a lot of those traits for years, from self-injury to an extreme victim complex and extreme self-consciousness. there are so many symptoms that just click together after a while, when you really start to notice them.

Its not your imgination i thought it was mine till now. its the effects of the abuse. it didn't really affect me till about 2 weeks ago and now everytime i think back to my child hood usually i feel like i don't deserve to live and that i am too damaged for anyone to want me.

In y humble opinion this is what is noticeable within the early stages of recovery from childhood trauma. We know something happened and we know its affected us but we just dont know how. Im not sure how long you have bene dealing with these issues. But Iilke skeletond noticed when she looking up the signs of PTSD she was able to see the symptoms within themselves. This was something I dfinitely did within the reading of The Courage To Heal. I knew I had been abused but didnt know by who, how or for how long. However his book started me on my journey towards questioning different issues and whether or not they were related to the abuse