Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
My best friend was sexually abused for a year before they moved away and that's when we met. She has told me it was a neighbor of hers and when it started he said he would hurt her bad if she told anyone. She said she eventually liked it and then they moved away from them. She's only told me it's happened. My question is how can I get her to open up about it? When I try she'll get quiet a few seconds then say something little about it then after a few seconds of silence she'll change the subject. I want her to open up about it. She will feel better and I would understand her better. Thanks for your comments.
We need to be loved and supported. Even though she eventually came to enjoy it, often that makes the abuse even worse. The age matters as far as how deeply traumatizing and life altering it is. There is so much we feel, dirty, used, unlovable, unworthy and it is so difficult to speak our pain that many of us cant ever to anyone. She trusts you and has spoken little bits. That is itself amazing and incredible.
as i speak with others with this affliction, because i personally know the horrors in way too vivid details, 1. Never push. support her, be available, accept the tiny drips she can share, realize what we share first are the easiest details, if i shared my easy details with you? I can not imagine it not changing you forever and grieving you and likely traumatizing you just to read the details that i am ABLE to share. I have barely touched the worst of it and i know i need to now, in fact now, 55 years after, both parents long in the grave, i might maybe possibly begin the final leg of my own healing. It is very much like though, going through it all over again. think, raw nerve pain, being scrubbed. often we relive when we speak it. Often the details are so visceral it is as though we are actually experiencing it again, all the sounds smells tastes emotions all the trauma over and over.
I hear you, you WANT her to... set aside what you want. her recovery has to be her choice on her terms. consider setting yourself on fire and leaving a body part hand leg heart soul in the flames, over and over, time after time. This is what it is like for us to talk about it. We need to. It is healthy for us. But if you push? We run, We had enough of being pushed or forced. Never ever do that. AS you might also understand reading this, many of us never heal. We try to live dealing with severe often crippling ptsd among other disorders. there is no easy path to recovery. It is very much like, they infected us, and to rid ourselves of the infection, we have to willingly go back into the trauma over and over and over. It is hard to impossible for us. Not to mention all the crippling things we feel.
There is a post i just put here, affirmations, and then i responded to it. Go read it. give her the affirmations. continually support her, continually offer her a safe comforting place to be as open as she is willing. If you are really brave, I will make a journal entry, you can friend me and i will let you access it. I just wrote this after the affirmation post.
I have had 20 plus good years where my abuse no longer ruled my life and now, it is like i have no healing at all. I know i do really. But the worst is yet in me, and it is time for it to go. You should not read my journal entry. No decent person ever should. Love is a reason, I pray mine is worse than hers but, its dumb to compare, our suffering is our own, Our recovery needs to be our own also.
I do want to say, thank you so very much for loving your friend and seeking help to understand how to help her. You are rather awesome and just what she needs. We all need people like you. you can friend me and ask me anything, or even read (what is not the worst yet) my story that i can still speak and have spoken many times. If you dare. Most of me doesnt want you to, for your sake but i know how deeply i love my friends and where i am willing to go for them. you choose, just like you need to allow her to choose. Hope this helps you. (the journal is set to private eyes only so, you would have to friend me then i will give you access for awhile, but only with us both online because you may need support just from reading it. God bless you.
Regardless of my closet therapist idea, my suggestion would be a clinical social worker to have a chat. She would have to go and I'm guessing she's a minor. I've no idea how those laws work or anything related to them. But I have to believe she would benefit from talking to one. Trauma early morphs into something ugly over time without us even knowing the dimensions. I hope she finds a good path.