Hi Everyone:

I joined the sexual abuse support group two days ago. I jumped in feet first, like I normally do, and began responding on the advice page, as if I'd been a member of this group for years.

Well, in a way, I have, having spent years healing from long-term sexual abuse, incest, and neglect. So, on that level many of us are connected.

But, on another level we may not be connected at all--on the level of trust. Why should anyone heed "advice" from a stranger? Please forgive my over-eagerness to help and let me start at the beginning by sharing some of my story and who I am today.

The abuse began in the crib and lasted for years. There were many perpetrators, both family and strangers. To survive I buried all memories. Yet, I felt in my heart of hearts that something was terribly wrong with me, but I couldn't say what. I just felt defective and not good enough. I crept thru life internally, and externally presented myself as a sexual object.

It was only after my dad died that the memories began to come up. It was then I began therapy. Once I was able to whisper to my therapist, (after seeing her 2x a week for 18 months) "I think I was abused" that a long healing journey began.

And once I knew I had been abused, I began to chase my healing. Today, I feel grateful for every person who ever came into my life to help me heal.

I look back and see how far I've come. I still have some tweeking to do---like not just jumping in! But, I am still learning. And probably the most important thing left for me to learn is how to connect to others. There are days when I still want to hide. Not many, but a few.

Has anyone suggestions on how to connect? I'd appreciate your help.