That is interesting you bring that up today cause I was just talking to a close friend of mine today about that very subject. You are not crazy, I completely feel that way and I am trying to work through it to see that I am worth more than just being a sex object for guys to do with what they want. You aren't alone

yeah..

thank you. thanks for sharing wiht me. it feels good to know i'm not alone

definitely a ptsd thing. you're probably not really experiencing it right now but later it could bother you. maybe it's like revictimization, a way to feel like you're in control of it or prove that it doesn't really hurt you. But it won't help you recover, it could lead to more trauma, I hope you can work on it and see somehow what you are worth which is a lot. now if I could just believe that about myself...

i know i think that's what's hard i don't believe i'm worth much. i want to believe it i try to believe it in my mind but my body doesn't and when i get around guy's especially by myself i just don't care....sometimes i do but i just let them do whatever

I completely agree with Lilac.
I think it is about you proving that you are in control when in actuality you are hurting yourself. You feel unworthy of true intimacy and that sex is all anyone really wants from you. You are worth so much more. Please think about why you do this. Are yoiu in any kind of counseling or is it a possibility?

my disclaimer I am male. However I will say I became pretty did a similar behavour both during and right after my abuse. I personaly would say I have more regrets over my actions then Hers(my abuser) it did make me feel like I was back in control, but only for a season. I would just say ask yourself what do you really want? you may not have an answer to that but you may see what you dont want.

ninavee-i do feel as tho that is part of what i'm made for. when something goes wrong or i'm feeling really down i just don't care sometimes i think i even want a guy to take control over me and do whatever. i was in counseling but i felt as though she was pittying me and i don't want that nor need it.
simpleD-idk what i want,i want to be loved but that's the only love i know really. ya i have friends and they show me that they love me and i know they do but idk. i'm not really sure how to put it in words right now doing this is what i feel i am suppose to be doing.

Karyl, there are 2 quotes that I like to say.... To thine own self be true and If you always do what you've always done you are gonna get what you've always got.

My reply got cut off... sorry... anyway, I don't know if counseling will work for me because I kind of feel like you but those who have been in "recovery" longer say to keep going that it will work... just do what you have to... you are where you need to be right now and will change when you are ready.

i don't think i can change right now. i don't think the environment im in can allow me to do so. or maybe i'm just not trying hard enough. idk. but i do know that i'm slowly falling apart and not really caring...no one else does so why should i?

don't let they walk over you
no one deserves that, unless they really want to be treated that way!
theres plenty of guys that wont mistreat you x x

I can sooooooooo relate to what you are presently doing. My 2 year of marriage and I have been married 36 years, I had an affair. I just spiraled after that in my marriage. I had one affair after another. Then I went into having sex with other men in swinging. My whole marriage was about acting out and having sex with many men. I too believed that all my self worth was in my body. That is what I was taught by the abusers. All I am good for is to have sex. And all those times of having sex with those guys was about them loving me. I would dissassociate when I was having sex, was not really there, was not present in the sexual encounters with these men. I know I was repeating the sexual abuse over and over. And then after it was over with I would feel shame, deep shame.
I will not do that to the wounded child in me. It was sooooooooooo painful to know that all I was good for was sex. I am more than that, but it took a long time to believe that.

Yepp, i felt that way too.I found that when i was younger before i had my kids i would drink allot, not feel anything, and let people do whatever i didn't care about anything.I had a problem with the word No.The counsellor told me it was because i was punishing myself over and over and she was right. I would rather die than cheat on anyone ever again.The guilt kills you inside as well as feeling worthless.Sex is suppose to be about love, and if i dont have that i just cant do it.

I have been in a few support groups. THe frquent meaningless sex is very common. Do not think this is a character flaw on your part. it is one of the most common symptoms that come with sex abuse. A sign of your health from this ptsd is when you no longer sacrifice yourself and your body for guys when you really don;t want to. AND YOU WILL GET THERE.