Hi. Welcome to the group. I am so sorry so much has happened to you in your past and so much is happening to your family today. I do hope everyone is in therapy, including your son because chances are he was sexually abused as a child also.

There are a few people here whose families have experienced what your family is going through (siblings abusing siblings). My brother and I were abused by neighbors and my brother took all his anger out on me inside the home so no place was ever safe for me. I am now 46 and am near the end of my healing process (been about 2 years of intense therapy) and life is good. You and your family can heal just remember that everyone moves at their own pace and heal in their own way. It can't be forced.

How do you mourn the death of someone who is still alive? By remembering who he was before any of this happened. By remembering that he was likely abused as well and that he also needs to heal from all that has happened. And during his healing process there will come a time when he feels tremendous remorse for what he did to his sisters. I really do hope he is in a program to help him heal.

Also, the way you are feeling, confused, angry, triggered, guilty and probably many more are 'normal' for all that you are going through. I do hope you can all find peace soon.

Take care

Thanks for your support and encouragement. I do hope that there is healing, as right now I can't see that you can ever get over something like this.

As far as our son is concerned, dh has kept in contact with him and I fall apart every time. We have asked our son whether he was abused as he has said some odd things about a person he had tutoring with at a young age, but he says that he can't remember being abused. He is on the autistic spectrum and has been a challenge to raise. He seems to show remorse and guilt for what he has done and is very compliant with the legal processes we have put in place to protect our family. He is not having any treatment but is having counselling. As our relationship with him isn't very good and he doesn't respect us we haven't even suggested any form of rehabilitation. He has realised himself through people he has met just how damaging sexual, physical and verbal abuse can be and has been wracked with guilt since he was 15. He chose to stop the sexual abuse which happened when he was around 16, but he certainly continued the physical and verbal assaults until he left home. We have even found notes stuffed under posters telling his youngest sister how fat, stupid and worthless she is (she is a national level athlete, so she is anything but these things).

I just can't get over the shock of what happened right under my nose. How could I have missed so much? There was always another very valid reason for any reactions our girls were having given how challenging our son has been to raise.

Have another session with my counsellor tomorrow. Sometimes I come out worse and a complete wreck for days depending on what we cover.

Thanks again.

My prayers are with you and your family, what you are going through isn't easy. My wife and I ran a daycare in our home for 6 years. Twice during that time our 5 year old son was caught exposing himself to two of the little girls that we watched. Because of his age the parents simply pulled their two girls out and nothing more happened. Then one day we were made aware that my wife's 12 yr old son was sexually abusing our 5 yr old. It took all of the self control that I could muster to keep myself from beating the hell out of him. To make matters worse his grandmother decided that since he was molesting our child then I must be molesting him. So she called his dad and made the accusation. He grabbed a gun and was on his way to kill me but the 12 year old intervened and convinced his dad that I had never sexually abused him at all. A few years later the same, but much older boy, came over drunk one night and my 13 yr old daughter awoke to find his hands down her pants. I just found out about it recently and once again I came ever so close to taking matters into my own hands. I told him that if he so much as looked at her wrong that he was going to prison.

So I am fully aware of the pain and difficulty that you are going through. I can only say that there aren't any easy answers. Perhaps the only thing to do right now is to find out if your son is being sexually abused. Of course he must not be left alone with other children and he must be made to understand the consequences. You, on the other hand, must realize that you are not responsible for this. I believe that some other child in your extended family or perhaps a family friend is the one who brought this into your home. I would do my best to find the guilty party and take the appropriate actions. But the best thing for your girls is to make sure that you give them as many normal days as possible. Fill your family with as much love as you possibly can. How to do that can be tough but you are a mom so it is inside of you. You might have to dig down deep to access it.
I want you to know that I love you. I love your son and your daughters and your husband. All of you are hurting right now and I want to assure you that you are not alone in this. Life will get better but it will take work. I wish that there was a magic wand to wave so that this could all go away but the only real answer is Jesus Christ. Forgiveness and love will have to become a part of lives as much as the pain that you are experiencing right now. I will give you my private contact info if you need to talk to someone anytime day or night. Hang in there, it isn't the end of the road.